Not My Idea of A Fantasy

It was a weird Sunday in the NFL. The St. Louis Rams got their first win, the Super Bowl champs fell to a pretty mediocre team. The Cincinnati Bengals pulled out a win without scoring a touchdown. And the once on fire (for once) Detroit Lions set a record with -19 yards rushing.

But what rings the loudest to me is the sad reality that my days of winning the weekly pool may be officially over. I certainly have no shot of winning the entire league.

Yes, I'm talking about my fantasy football team. Somehow, several of my players managed to win even though they didn't do much to help their cause. One just totally choked. To wit:

LT was eh - the San Diego Chargers defense did a better job, and the Chargers' offensive line was not helping out their boy at all. But it was enough to hold off Peyton Manning and the Colts. Peyton threw 6 interceptions in maybe the worst game of his career, so I'm sure he's feeling pretty bad, too.

My QB - Carson Palmer - no touchdowns. From anyone on the team, for that matter. No, the Bengals kicker kicked SEVEN field goals and won their game for them.

My defense - the Minnesota Vikings - got blanked and managed to not only score no points but actually racked up negative points.

And, ah, my kicker. Indianapolis Colts' own Adam Vinatieri, who was supposed to be the premier kicker in the NFL. Not so. I thought he was just rushed when he missed from 42 yards at the end of the first half. But then he misses the potential game winning kick from 29 yards out, and erases the one point he had gotten earlier from an extra point.

The end result was two bagels (including my tight end), one -1, which adds up to me not winning anything.

Let's hope my fantasy basketball team fares a little better. This is depressing.

"Brees" On "Bye" *

Several weeks ago when I had the opportunity to pick either Carson Palmer of the Cincinnati Bengals or Drew Brees of the New Orleans Saints for my fantasy football team, I nearly went with Brees, except that he had a bye week the same week as LT, a no-no according to Laura. So Carson it was.

Well, as it turns out, Carson's off to a pretty good year while Drew is - how do I say this nicely - playing like sh Eagle doo doo. And on McNabb's worst night, that's pretty awful. Not only did the Saints lose to Vince Young and the Tennessee Titans 31-14, but he threw four interceptions in one night, and scored (I use that term loosely) -1 fanstasy points. That means that he would have had more points if he had never played at all. Compare that to the 40+ points for the top QB's the past few weeks, and I'm feeling better that he had that bye week. Now the New Orleans Saints are 0-3.

Brees might be the only person willing to trade Tuesday's with McNabb.



*Puns intended, with my apologies.

Joke's On Me

So I was winning my fantasy football league, until Philadelphia Eagles offense went kaput and now their kicker has hit 4 field goals through three and a half quarters to score the only points for the Eagles. This was also enough for the guy who has the kicker on his fantasy team to tie my point total for the week, and if we do tiebreakers by bench points, then I lost the league pot this week. HAHAHAHAHA.

I told you I believed in talent, and apparently that talent is only in the Eagles kicker's foot.

Ah, well.

**UPDATE** It turns out that I play in a league that doesn't have tiebreakers. So I still won.

I'm Winning!!!

I know some of you cared more whether your favorite team won or lost (mine won), but the only thing I really cared about this Sunday was whether I'm winning in my Fantasy Football league. Which I am, thus far. I don't believe in jinxing, I believe in talent.

Here's a run-down of what I consider to be the top events in the NFL (recognizing my Fantasy Football bias):

1. Carson Palmer!! He threw six touchdowns. His opponent threw 5. Most TD's thrown by two QB's in almost 38 years. And Palmer and the Cincinatti Bengals still lost to the Cleveland Browns . . . but Palmer gained me 44 points, compensating for the dump LT took on my scoreboard. Yes, LaDainian Tomlinson played, but he might as well not have for the numbers he put up. The Bengals don't have to play defense at all this season as long as they keep scoring. Even better, nobody had the Browns' QB, so I didn't get "Romo'd" this week.

2. Old man Favre (Brett, that is) is not just hanging on, he's playing out of his mind. Not only did he catapult the Green Bay Packers over Eli Manning and the NY Giants, but he set the all-time record for wins by a QB. The previous owner of that record was none other than Coach Elway. As I told my cousin, I know he had that painkiller addiction, but I'm inclined to think he must be taking a whole lot of them right now to still be playing like he is. In any event, way to stick it to all the critics who said you should retire with dignity, Favre.

3. Vince Young is Cool Hand Luke on the football field. Cool as a cucumber, or the underside of the pillow, there's no panic from this guy. At least he doesn't show it. Even though I don't have him on my team, I like his style. And he has one of the best QB names around. And he and the Tennessee Titans almost swiped another one from Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts. Someone should tell him to stop taking naps in the locker room during halftime.

4. Jamal Lewis has gone from pleading guilty in 2005 to using his cell phone to help his friend set up a drug deal (oh boy), and spending 4 months in jail as a result, to rushing for over 200 yards (that's good, NPT) today in the Browns' win over the Bengals. His offense may top the list of "What were you thinking? Or maybe you weren't, and that's the problem." I just hope he found better friends. Keep fighting the good fight, Jamal.

I was at an ESPNZone watching most of these games, and the one thing I concluded is that ESPN is making a killing off of football season. They have a policy that if they have a "sell out" (meaning no tables "indefinitely" as I was told) you have to spend $10 per person, per hour.

I asked my friend what ESPN does when there's no football on, and he said that he would come there to watch a NASCAR race. Apparently, he didn't understand that I was asking about other sports that one would watch there.