Want To Be Like Mike? Not Today, You Don't.

Michael Jordan is a single man again after his divorce settlement with wife Juanita (Jordan still?). And just what did that divorce cost his Airness?

$168,000,000.00

Yes, that's $168 million, and yes, that's a lot of money. But it could have been worse.

Amazingly, Jordan and Juanita signed a prenuptial agreement that entitled her to half of his estate, but she opted to only take 1/3. Now I don't know what the law was back in 1989 when they first got hitched, but why anyone would make an agreement to give away half of their estate (the exact reason people don't like getting married in California) is beyond me. I presume to end this as quickly and amicably as possible. From that perspective, Jordan got a deal.

Juanita's a smart woman so I'm sure she'll do something smart with the money. She gets the seven-acre estate in Chicago and custody of the chil'run.

And what do YOU have to be thankful for this holiday season?

The Brady Bunch?

I think our generation has been pretty blessed to see some of the greatest of all time in their sport:

Michael Jordan.

Roger Federer.

Steffi Graf.

Wayne Gretzky.

Tiger Woods.

Barry Bonds.(*)

Now perhaps I'm being shortsighted because the people playing now are the only ones I've ever seen play live and in person, but I think we're in a truly special era. Records that have been around for a half-century or more are being smashed -- even though I think these statisticians come up with more stats and records than could possibly be relevant.

Now, it looks like we might have to add Tom Brady to that list. Sunday, Brady threw for the most touchdowns in the first six games of a season in NFL history, throwing at least 3 TD's per outing, and helping the New England Patriots kept their undefeated season alive with a 48-27 win over the Dallas Cowboys and my fantasy-nemesis, Tony Romo.

I know I harped on Tony Kornheiser for kissing Brady's butt, but he is shaping up to be one of -- if not the -- best at his young age. SI.com is already predicting that he'll win his first MVP. To me, it's hard to judge how good a QB is because they seem only as good as their offensive line is at keeping the defense from sacking him. I guess there's some combination of foresight, play-running, etc. that makes him so good.

So is Brady the G.O.A.T. or just a good QB with a great offensive line?


* Pending BALCO telling on him, too.

Update #1: Oden is "Oh, Done"

As an update to my previous post, and a crushing blow to the Portland Trailblazers, their star Greg Oden may be out for the entire season following his knee surgery. They're already comparing this to the debacle that was Sam Bowie, one of the most colossal draft disasters of all time (if you go to the link, note that I came up with "colossal" on my own, and the fact that it appears on this other site is pure coincidence . . . or an indication of just how bad it was). You see, in the 1984 draft, Bowie was selected second overall by the Portland Trailblazer - after Hakeem Olajuwon, who was taken first by the Houston Rockets, but before a player of "spotty" potential . . . none other than his Airness, Michael Jordan.

Now, if you're asking yourself, "Who the heck is Sam Bowie?" then you understand why it is now considered the worst draft decision of all time. Of course, hindsight is 20/20 and nobody knew Jordan was going to be as good as he was (especially after Zeke and the Detroit Pistons stuck it to him all those years, until he finally broke through). But while Jordan blossomed - an understatement, I know - Bowie had a career plagued with injuries, and he never amounted to the player that the Trailblazers thought they had.

Enter Greg Oden and Kevin Durant. Bill Simmons, a writer for Page 2 on ESPN.com, has always been pro-Durant. But Simmons says that if there was a tie between them, then the Trailblazers should have gone with Durant just based on their injury-risk. I tend to agree with him. Of course, now that Oden's out for a little while, I'm sure they're re-thinking their choice. Check out the Trailblazers' press conference - I know they wanted to cry. Especially when everyone starts calling to cancel their season tickets. And it can't help matters that if Durant stays healthy, he may well be one of the greatest of all-time.

I think it's too early to start calling the Oden pick "Bowie 2.0" but I do hope the youngster comes back and silences his critics. Yes, I called him a youngster.

Forty's the New Twenty*

I REALLY wanted to give this post a different title, but I decided I'd be nice to Reggie - for once. Don't tell anyone I was nice to him, I have a reputation to uphold.

In the smartest move I've ever seen him make (except retiring the first time), 42 year old Reggie Miller decided against returning to the NBA, this time with the Boston Celtics, to try for that elusive first NBA Championship. Has anyone ever seen a return from retirement work? When Michael Jordan took a year away from the NBA to stink up baseball, he was still in his prime at the time, and he returned to win three more rings with the Bulls. But when he left and tried to return again, this time with the Washington Wizards, it became apparent to all (most importantly, him) that it was time to let it go. But it's Michael Jordan, so no harm, no foul. He's still the greatest.

But Reggie is not MJ. Whereas Jordan commanded respect on the court no matter who he was playing with, with Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett, and Paul Pierce already on the Celtics team, I don't see Reggie getting enough touches during a game to make a comeback with that team worth it. Plus, even though he says he was up to it physically, I think he may have forgotten what it's like to play 80+ games against kids almost 25 years younger than you. I know how I feel after I compete against kids ten years my junior for only two hours, and it's not good. Soreness for a week when before, you weren't sore at all. It's one thing to walk into school the next day limping, but when you limp into work, people start asking questions.

I came across this interesting article on ESPN of all of the former players who are attempting a comeback now. Writer Marc Stein thinks it's in part coincidence, in part a reflection of the lack of veteran leadership on most teams. Just for fun, I thought I'd give my opinion on the players considering a comeback:

Allan Houston - Well, it would sure give us something to look at. (Just kidding, hon!) But seriously, Allan left at a fairly young NBA-age due to injury, and he's only 36 now, so he might have a little left in the tank. In case you weren't aware, he was the highest paid player in the league after he retired, making $20 million. Maybe he feels he should play for that money he made when he wasn't playing. . . yeah, maybe not.

Charles Oakley - Oak, is this a joke?? Unless the team needs a security guard or a wingman for their rookies when they go to the club, at 44, I don't see him showing up on anybody's roster this year.

Shawn Kemp - Oh wow, another blast from the even-less-recent past. He's up and down with weight like Luther (Vandross), and he just can't seem to keep his nose clean. I hope he can get it together, but he might be too high of a risk to bring the veteran leadership teams are looking for.

Tony Massenburg- Who? I added his picture to help us all out. Apparently, he's vying for the record for the number of different teams played with at 13. I don't have anything else to say about either of these players. If somebody is willing to pay you, more power to you.

Keith Van Horn - I honestly didn't realize he had left. I'll put him in the "eh, why not?" category. He may not win you any championships, but he probably won't make you lose one either.

Antonio Davis - Good guy. Hard worker. I started off saying I was going to be nice, and I'm sticking with it. Just remember that whatever team gets him gets everyone that comes along with him, too.

Qyntel Woods - Again, who? Another pic, see if he rings a bell. He went from Community College straight to the NBA, so I'm going to assume he had some other off-court issues (yes, Wikipedia, I see you, but as I have indicated below, I can't trust you anymore). I do wish him all the best. But he's only 26 and he's playing overseas - if he counts as making a comeback, then I can name about 50 guys who are making one, too. I think he's only on here because, like Vick, he faced some trouble for dog fighting. But you didn't hear about that, did you?

Scottie Pippen - He's Reggie with multiple rings. Also 42. Michael's finally put it down, and so should you.

Toni Kukoc - Nowhere near as talented as Reggie, but otherwise, see above.

Nick Van Exel - He was a solid shooter in his hey day, but ultimately ended up a loser in the "pay cut for a ring" exchange. According to the article he's in no shape to play, so I don't even know why he's on this list.

Latrell Sprewell - I'm sure more than a few teams would welcome him back with open arms if he's willing to give it another go. He was always fun to watch and he was as intense as anyone on the floor. His Wikipedia page says that he built his career around "his athleticism, versatility, and combative manners." (Note to self: stop using Wiki as a factual source of info.) Spree has had his fair share of interesting events during his NBA career (check , but it looks like a return to the NBA may not be one of them. But since he recently had his yacht repossessed, he might actually be looking for work. I wonder if he gets royalties on the rims that bear his name.

Michael Jordan - Ha! He just put this in here to make sure you were still reading. You are, right? Couldn't stand you when you played, but I can still recognize you were pretty good, and decent for the game. Again, I have a reputation to uphold, so don't tell anyone I said this.



I know some of you need the money, others of you just like to compete, and yet others of you don't know what to do with yourself if you aren't on the court, but if you (1) are over 40, (2) are a headcase (Google yourself if you're not sure), (3) have already won a ring, and (4) weren't "the man" when you were playing, I would strongly advise you to stay home. Call me if you need some ideas on what you can do post-NBA.

But if none of those things apply to you, prospective un-retiree, then the NBA needs you! But more importantly, I need you! I know I wasn't watching much TV for the three years I was in law school, but I don't recognize more than 2 players on a team come playoff time. Do it for me.

*Thanks Long Beach