Running Down Weird Al

Jumping right in:



1. I'm calling this "He's not who I thought he was." (Thank you, Denny Green). The Al Davis (aka Oakland) Raiders will have a new coach, per Mr. Davis himself:

You have to watch the rest of the press conference because this guy is a trip. Among other claims, Davis says that now-former coach Lane Kiffin was trying to lose and was looking for other jobs. (Can he blame him?) And he's not trying to pay Kiffin the remainder of his salary (hence the "for cause" pronouncement from Davis, for all you non-legal types). Kiffin was none too pleased by what amounted to a public shaming of Kiffin by Davis. And like the other two bottom-feeder teams (Lions and Rams) that have shaken things up in the past week, they're probably not going to change much anytime soon. Hey, at least these teams are acting like they care. But the Raiders are now on their fifth coach in almost as many years, and I don't think many people believe Al Davis really cares about much more than Al Davis. I won't stoop so low as other folks who are wishing death upon the man, but Davis might consider loosening that vice grip so people will start taking his team seriously . . . but he won't, so I won't argue with him.

2. Speaking of shake ups, Marc Bulger is a happier man after being restored to starting QB of the St. Louis Rams by new coach Jim Haslett. Trent Green might not like this move, but he should really be ecstatic that he's been spared from the sieve-like Rams offensive line. As Dan Quayle once said, "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." Look at this as a blessing in disguise, Trent.

3. Warren "Twinkle Toes" Sapp is on Dancing with the Stars this season. Check out his paso doble:

I have new found respect for extremely large football players. I am absolutely amazed at how huge and light on his toes he is - awesome footwork. I'm not sure about those Matrix costumes, though.

4. Ricky Williams has a problem. The Miami Dolphins had a bye week, which left Ricky with nothing to do. He thought to himself "I'm free, what can I do?" While you and I may have considered running errands, returning phone calls, or maybe spending time with friends or family, Ricky wanted to use his freedom to smoke weed. But he didn't, not because it's illegal, but because if he does, he will not get another chance in the NFL. (Why he decided to share this is anyone's guess, but it's Ricky, he does that.) But then you go on to read that he gets 9 random drug tests every month. That's more than twice a week of people showing up at your door at various times of the day. So I guess they don't really believe you'd stop smoking on your own, Ricky. And he says that he'd be lying if he said he wasn't going to smoke weed when he's done with the NFL (let's hope that means retired by choice and not by force). This guy . . .

5. One basketball story: An avid Pleats 'n Cleats reader passed along this story about University of Wisconsin basketball player, Marcus Landry, who is married with two kids, and still makes time for school. His wife also played college basketball, but at Marquette University. Landry's not just a father, he's also a "dad" to his two little ones, tucking them in at night and bringing his son to team meetings. Although it shouldn't be a big deal when a man like Landry takes care of his responsibilities, the reality is that this kind of maturity is exemplary, especially in the demanding college basketball setting. His kids will certainly thank him for it. It's stories like this that raise the bar for everyone else. Love it.

Running Into the Weekend

Is it just me or is this the longest week ever? I feel like I've been going to work for a week straight already, and it's not even Friday yet.

Funny stuff out there today. This won't exactly be a run-down, but I am going to jump around a little bit.

First, Shaquille O'Neal is quite the character. Today, he played Nostradamus, informing the public that he will cease to be a professional basketball player in "735 days." He says he's going into law enforcement. There is only one word for this: awesome. Hopefully, he'll be a beat cop for a little while so someone can give him his own reality show. (I would DVR that, too.) Personally, I'd like to see him become a lawyer. He certainly has a way with people, and they love him even when he's openly dissing Kobe Bryant (T.O.: take note). This bodes well for his ability to sway a jury . . . but says nothing about his ability to rap. I hope he retires from rapping in 735 days, too . . . or sooner. I mean that in the nicest way possible . . .

Vince Young took to the cameras to re-affirm that he's OK and that there's nothing to worry about. I, for one, didn't believe you'd lost your love for the game, as some have charged. But I'm going to have to agree with the PTI guys here, Vince. Mama and coach don't just jump in the fray and call the police over nothing. People are hating on you and will continue to hate on you until you right the ship, but don't let them get you down. Keep fighting the good fight. You can do it . . .


I'm going to give this college football thing a try so I can see what all the fuss is about, starting with Ohio State's game vs. USC. It's not like I've never watched a whole game, it just didn't really factor into my family's sports viewing habits so I only really watched it if someone I knew was playing or a bowl game. I'm kind of mad that it's looking like I won't get to see this guy Chris "Beanie" Wells play, which means I may have to watch Ohio State play again at some point when he's finally back (which may help my viewership). 2,500 comments about one guy's injury on ESPN.com? Clearly, I'm missing something . . .


Speaking of Ohio, folks there are peeved with its native son, LeBron James, for his affinity for sports teams located outside of its borders. (Warning: I'm actually supporting him here. I think I'm getting soft in my old age.) He's a fan of the NY Yankees, Dallas Cowboys, and Chicago Bulls - all teams that have enjoyed tremendous success in their respective sports, particularly while James was growing up. It seems like he's just like half of the country in his preferences, even picking up on "America's team" in the Yankees and Cowboys. I don't really see anything wrong with that. While it may seem hard to understand how a man can root against the home team when he has lived there his whole life, I know plenty of people who have done it. My guess is popular teams gain the most fans they're winning, and the most successful teams tend to keep those fans even if they start losing. But, come on, it's LeBron James. He likes winners because he strongly identifies with what they do . . . win, which is more than can be said for most of the teams in Ohio (pro, not college, of course). Sure, it probably stung the Cleveland Browns to see him donning a Yankees cap, blue and silver tee, and saying what's up to his boys on the Dallas Cowboys sideline, but I think they should just be happy he's still playing in Cleveland . . . for now . . .

Speaking of Cowboys, Tony Romo made a stop on his way home from Cleveland last Sunday night to help a couple change a flat tire. The couple said that 100 cars drove by before someone stopped to help them. And he'd just gotten over a dozen stitches in his chin. I think it's great that he stopped, which I know most people (including me - not at night!) wouldn't have done, and clearly didn't do here. But I'm most happy that he knows how to change a tire. I had wrongly assumed my whole life that all men knew how to do this until a few months ago. This is one area where equality isn't so important . . .


Rounding up with football, Ricky Williams proved that you can negotiate your own contract when he re-upped with the Miami Dolphins, all by himself, with no agent (Look ma, no hands!). I don't know how well he negotiated it, but if anyone can, he can. I think some of his past actions have caused people to underestimate how intelligent he really is. I'm encouraged to see veterans taking control of their own decision-making. Most lawyers/agents may not like what I'm going to say, but I look at it like this: if you've gone to trial 5 times for the exact same offense, you could probably do a pretty decent job defending yourself on the 6th one. Just a thought . . .


Have a great weekend!

UPDATE #2: It's A Wrap, Ricky

Well, don't call it a comeback.

Ricky Williams is done before he gets started. Out for the "season" with a torn pectoral muscle.

What a letdown. All this hype to have it end so quickly and like this.

Better luck next year!

Mean Girls . . . Part Deux

Ricky Williams came, saw, and went, all in the same night.

If anyone was watching the mucky mess that was Monday Night Football, then you, too, witnessed the return of Ricky Williams to the Miami Dolphins despite having tested positive several (ok, 4) times for marijuana.

Perhaps you also saw the second quarter when Pittsburgh Steelers' linebacker Lawrence Timmons step on Williams' shoulder as he was attempting to go after a fumble. Out went Williams, never to return again.

If you watch the replay (which I will post as soon as it becomes available), you can see Timmons' foot turns unnaturally out to the side and steps down on Williams' shoulder, even though the natural movement would have been to step with his foot facing straight ahead, thereby avoiding Williams' shoulder altogether. The official word is that he injured his pectoral muscle.

That was just cruel. Here's this guy who obviously has a problem - I say obviously because if the league and the teams thought he was just a weedhead, he would not be returning to the NFL - and you're just going to purposely try to injure him after the play is over? I don't say this often, maybe ever, but I really think the league should review this and fine him. It looked that blatant.

The Dolphins are bad enough as it is. On Monday night, they lose two more running backs to injury (Williams and Jesse Chatman), to add to their already depleted roster, and they just looked defeated. I really feel bad for them. It can't be fun to be in that locker room week after week.

The Steelers weren't doing much of anything themselves on that nasty field (the Steelers won the spectacular game 3-0), but no need to add insult to injury - literally.

Perhaps the NFL should also take some flak for letting the players play in such a mess and risk injury in the first place. Steelers' QB Ben Roethlisberger called it the worse conditions that he has ever played in, and I think he was telling the truth. I actually saw a punt land in the field. Didn't bounce, didn't roll. Just landed, like he'd kicked a javelin. It's too easy to get hurt just playing the game without having to worry about the playing surface.

Barry Will Need A Bond After This One

I felt I had to post on this one, although I don't have that much to add yet because I haven't read the full indictment. I promise to do that over the weekend and give a more "expert" take (ha!) on each charge.

In the meantime, the news is that after 4 years of togetherness, a federal grand jury in California finally decided on Thursday that there is enough evidence to issue an indictment against the MLB home run record-breaking San Francisco Giants player Barry Lamar Bonds.

The indictment is for four counts of perjury and one count of obstruction of justice. Several people have inquired as to what obstruction of justice means. The best way I can describe it is that it is what it is - you are being accused of obstructing justice. Yes, it is that broad. I'd call it the catch-all crime. It can involve any number of acts, typically getting in the way of some official investigation by lying, omitting, destroying evidence. Just generally getting in the way of "justice" being served.

The circumstances of Mr. Bonds indictment involve his alleged lies, omissions, etc. to federal investigators when he was under oath (perjury) and during the course of the federal investigation (obstruction) about his relationship with the Bay Area Laboratory Co-operative (better known as BALCO) and several people connected to it (most notably, trainer Greg Anderson), involving Bonds usage of and hooking up of others with steroids. Anderson was just released today after serving time for his refusal to snitch on Bonds when subpoenaed to do so (called being held in "contempt of court"). Was that a coincidence? Not clear just yet.

So now Bonds is looking at a maximum of 30 years for these four offenses. I am sure he will get nothing close to that, if any time at all, but again, let me read the indictment.

If these charges stick, expect him to be stripped of his home run record, among other things. They're saying his career is virtually over.

I tell ya. It's not the drugs that get you in trouble. It's the lying about them. Every time. Ricky Williams didn't lie about it, and now he's back playing with the Miami Dolphins.

When will they learn?