Flying and Running

I'm leaving on a jet plane this morning. I'm planning to return on Thursday, which might mean no post that day, but I've been known to surprise people including myself. Here's one for the road:


1. There's an update to that Houston Astros' pitcher wedding arrest. It turns out that after the wedding, the group went to the bar. The bride's brother tried to bring an outside drink into the bar when a fight ensued . . . which ended in the brother and his father - the bride's father - getting tasered and pepper sprayed by the police, and the brother airlifted to a hospital. Astros' pitcher Brandon Backe was apparently trying to break up the attack. At first blush, this sounded like a case of "liquid courage," but after reading more details and different takes on it, including eyewitness accounts of what happened, it sounds like the police lost it. (It's too bad that the first charges are against the regular folks and it's not until much later that the cops get charged . . . if they ever do. At least they're investigating it.) Tasing and pepper spray? Pepper spray is not a game. One time, I tried to make a French Open tennis court for my French class (I won't say how old I was because I was definitely old enough to know better). Being creative, I found the perfect substitute for the red clay of Roland Garros: cayenne pepper. You know how they say it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye? It's true. Everything was going well until I got to the part of cleaning of the white lines on the "court." My solution? Blow on them. And it was at that exact moment that I learned what it was like to be pepper sprayed. That was definitely one of the most painful nights of my life. And when I brought my work of art to class, I had to plaster a huge "DO NOT TOUCH - DEATH MAY ENSUE!" sign on it. I also had a taser gun in college (courtesy of my concerned relative) but, thankfully, I have no story connected with that one. The moral of the story is cops shouldn't be able to just spray and tase folks all will-nilly. That's how people get hurt. Just ask R. Kelly.

2. I was right about Reggie Bush. Now that he's gotten more serious about his football, Kim Kardashian's talking about going back (no pun intendd) on Dancing with the Stars. I won't allow it. Not unless they test her for a soul first - if you've watched her dancing on the show, then you understand. Beautiful girl, but wow.

3. Someone is stalking Los Angeles Lakers' forward Luke Walton. Did she get him confused with his dad, Bill? Otherwise, I'm a little confused by her choice. She had already marked up his car, why did he wait until she fired at him with a "fake gun" (Luke's description of the woman making a gun out of her hands) before he decided she wasn't all there? I must note that all of this occurred after he refused to give her an autograph. Luke. . . um, I don't know how to break this to you, but are you really in a position to be refusing autographs? Perhaps you should be grateful that anyone has noticed there are other players on the floor besides Kobe Bryant.

4. NBA legend Elgin Baylor is out as the general manager of the Los Angeles Clippers. The Clippers say he resigned, but Baylor says "you'll be hearing from my lawyers." Baylor is 74 years old and by all accounts hadn't really been running things for years - that was coach Mike Dunleavy's unofficial job, and Dunleavy will now take over Baylor's duties. I don't really get the Clippers. I don't get why they're in L.A. when they already have (and love) the Lakers, and I don't get why they have never quite been able to turn the corner even though they had a few opportunities to do so. So, I guess firing a 74 year old man who was holding his position in name only isn't so far-fetched. I guess that's what you get for messing with the Clippers . . . and the Oakland Raiders . . . and the Detroit Lions . . . and . . .

5. Barry Bonds came out of hiding to tell us he loves his freedom away from baseball. I suppose he is free in that waiting-to-be-sentenced kind of way, but let's not get too far ahead of ourselves . . .

Running Down Weird Al

Jumping right in:



1. I'm calling this "He's not who I thought he was." (Thank you, Denny Green). The Al Davis (aka Oakland) Raiders will have a new coach, per Mr. Davis himself:

You have to watch the rest of the press conference because this guy is a trip. Among other claims, Davis says that now-former coach Lane Kiffin was trying to lose and was looking for other jobs. (Can he blame him?) And he's not trying to pay Kiffin the remainder of his salary (hence the "for cause" pronouncement from Davis, for all you non-legal types). Kiffin was none too pleased by what amounted to a public shaming of Kiffin by Davis. And like the other two bottom-feeder teams (Lions and Rams) that have shaken things up in the past week, they're probably not going to change much anytime soon. Hey, at least these teams are acting like they care. But the Raiders are now on their fifth coach in almost as many years, and I don't think many people believe Al Davis really cares about much more than Al Davis. I won't stoop so low as other folks who are wishing death upon the man, but Davis might consider loosening that vice grip so people will start taking his team seriously . . . but he won't, so I won't argue with him.

2. Speaking of shake ups, Marc Bulger is a happier man after being restored to starting QB of the St. Louis Rams by new coach Jim Haslett. Trent Green might not like this move, but he should really be ecstatic that he's been spared from the sieve-like Rams offensive line. As Dan Quayle once said, "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." Look at this as a blessing in disguise, Trent.

3. Warren "Twinkle Toes" Sapp is on Dancing with the Stars this season. Check out his paso doble:

I have new found respect for extremely large football players. I am absolutely amazed at how huge and light on his toes he is - awesome footwork. I'm not sure about those Matrix costumes, though.

4. Ricky Williams has a problem. The Miami Dolphins had a bye week, which left Ricky with nothing to do. He thought to himself "I'm free, what can I do?" While you and I may have considered running errands, returning phone calls, or maybe spending time with friends or family, Ricky wanted to use his freedom to smoke weed. But he didn't, not because it's illegal, but because if he does, he will not get another chance in the NFL. (Why he decided to share this is anyone's guess, but it's Ricky, he does that.) But then you go on to read that he gets 9 random drug tests every month. That's more than twice a week of people showing up at your door at various times of the day. So I guess they don't really believe you'd stop smoking on your own, Ricky. And he says that he'd be lying if he said he wasn't going to smoke weed when he's done with the NFL (let's hope that means retired by choice and not by force). This guy . . .

5. One basketball story: An avid Pleats 'n Cleats reader passed along this story about University of Wisconsin basketball player, Marcus Landry, who is married with two kids, and still makes time for school. His wife also played college basketball, but at Marquette University. Landry's not just a father, he's also a "dad" to his two little ones, tucking them in at night and bringing his son to team meetings. Although it shouldn't be a big deal when a man like Landry takes care of his responsibilities, the reality is that this kind of maturity is exemplary, especially in the demanding college basketball setting. His kids will certainly thank him for it. It's stories like this that raise the bar for everyone else. Love it.

No More Dance Floor Knockouts

Apparently, America is no longer feeling Floyd Mayweather, so Tuesday night, they sent him home on Dancing with the Stars.

I, for one, am sad to see him go. His partner, who was nearly killed by a maneuver that can only be fairly said to resemble roping a calf (pay close attention at 3:02 of the video), probably did not feel the same way. When it was announced that they were in the bottom 2 vote-getters for the week, she said "oh no" but her face said "oh, yes!"

What did Floyd in? Besides his table-top booty moves, I'd have to say his utter inability to feel the music combined with his involuntary roughness toward his partner contributed to Floyd getting the ax. I thought the judges were trying to save him by being kind to him last night, but alas, America was not buying it.

Part of me thinks he just went on the show to promote his fight. December 8th. Pay-Per-View.

Too Much Booty In the Pants

As you may recall, boxer Floyd Mayweather is on this season of Dancing with the Stars.

Because this is a dancing show, I would like to publicly request that he stop shamelessly promoting his December 8 fight, and realize that you better win that fight or you will be looking at a lot of clowning from here on out.

And please stop whining:

Tuesday’s competition came down Newton and “Pretty Boy” Floyd Mayweather, who also ended up in the bottom two. While Newton has endured the judge’s low marks with humility and grace, Mayweather has found it hard to disguise his feelings of persecution and what he calls “bias” from the judges.

“I’m out there giving it my all, and I don’t understand, no matter how hard I dance, or how good I dance, how am I to understand the scores that I get,” Mayweather told PEOPLE after the show. “I mean, if they’re bias toward me then it is what it is. I’m dancing my best, have the best dancing teacher, so they can’t take my natural ability and my talent from me.”

Floyd, you are talented in something. Boxing. Nobody can take that from you, you are right about that. But dancing? That's a whole different story. You keep sticking your butt out like you're getting points for it tapping it on an imaginary wall. Too much R Kelly Bump 'N Grind, not enough Gene Kelly Singin' in the Rain.

From the looks of it, I'd say that Floyd is approaching his dancing a little bit too much like a boxing match. He seems to be measuring his steps but doesn't appear to be really feeling the music. One of the judges told him to be more technical, but I think focusing too much on that could be weighing him down. I know we're asking a lot for him to look more fluid out there, but this is a dancing contest he entered.

But at least he's no Wayne Newton, who, in contrast to Floyd, is surprisingly really tall by Hollywood standards (that must mean he's 5'8"). Wayne was probably losing money by being away from Vegas for so long, anyway, but he gets a lot of kudos for going on there and being so, um, not good. And being a good sport about it. Even Floyd admires Wayne:

Despite Mayweather’s ongoing concerns of how he’s being treated in the competition, he had nothing but nice things to say about his fallen compatriot. “Me, myself, I think Wayne Newton is a legend,” added Mayweather. “He’s a great guy. His personality is great. He’s a marvelous person!”

Well that was awful kind of him. Should we be on the look out for the Floyd and Wayne Show in Vegas? Maybe Wayne has some bigger pants he can borrow.

First Round: Almost A Knock Out

Floyd Mayweather (Jr.) is pound for pound the greatest boxer in the world, according to him. Ok, so he is 38-0, but humility is not one of his strong suits.

Well, he has taken his pride and ego and put it on the line on this season of Dancing with the Stars. During the vignette shown before his dance, Floyd is seen whining, saying he wants to quit, and that he wants to learn the easy stuff. After all this, his partner, Karina Smirnoff, says that training him was difficult, and that he didn't listen all the time. What was that? Floyd doesn't listen? She obviously never watched the reality show De La Hoya-Mayweather 24/7, which shadowed Floyd and Oscar De La Hoya as they prepared for their bout against one another. If she had, it should come as no surprise that working with him would be the bout of her life.

It should also come as no surprise to any of us who have seen him that he might be a tad difficult to train to be a dancer. If you have the pleasure of viewing his first performance - ABC.com has the full episode online - you are in for a treat. At the end of the vignette, Floyd says that he's going to approach this like he does a championship fight.

Now, you can call this man a rough dancer, but you cannot call him a liar! True to his word, the dance did bear a strong resemblance to his fight against De La Hoya. Doing the cha cha cha to a jazzed up version of Outkast's I Like the Way You Move, I was certain that at any moment he was going to knock Karina out. Seriously, she was on the ropes. There was a lot of, um, hip shaking (by Floyd), and tons of energy -- enough that he came dangerously close to snapping her neck in the final pose.

One of the judges chided Floyd to "treat Karina with a little more tenderness," saying he lacked finesse. "Remember, she's a woman, she's not fighting against you." It appears this may be a tall task for Floyd.

Somehow, Floyd didn't get kicked off the show nor did he even make it to the bottom two. Well, when Wayne Newton's performance is described as "horrendous" and "painful to watch," perhaps Floyd will be around for at least a few weeks. I think people just like seeing him beat up a woman. This country is sick.