Title This One: "And Sometimes She Blogs, Too"

So many of my convos involve sports these days, I am starting to believe that it's just a more enjoyable forum to do what I like to do most: analyze things. Here are a few things I've been talking about:

1. Kudos to those of you who correctly guessed - on the blog and off - Ray Allen, aka Jesus Shuttlesworth, as the "smart guy" in Saturday's Quickie. I wrote the Quickie after finally seeing his PSA with his wife and son who has diabetes about the JDRF, which I thought might help you all figure out who I was talking about, but what do I know. If you read the blog, you know that I don't often support "hype" but trust me when I say this guy is the real deal . . . and rare. First Kevin Garnett, then Ray Allen. Who's next?

2. Carlos Boozer just said he would like to be a Utah Jazz next season. HA. I will believe it when I see it. It's funny because people had him going to the Pistons when they seemed like a title contender but now that they've effectively blown themselves up, he probably feels he's a lot closer to winning in Utah than he is to winning one in Detroit. I can't say I blame him since he isn't getting any younger and the Pistons are at least a few years away from a championship . . . yet I'm not certain Jerry Sloan can get over the "always a bridesmaid" hump with Utah, but some people feel better about at least coming close even if they never win. Not me. When my team gets to the finals and loses repeatedly, it's bad for my blood pressure, and it just plain sucks. I don't know how Portland Trailblazers fans did it back in the day. If they just stink, then at least I know what I'm getting. I can't be alone in this . . .

3. Unless you're a sports writer/reporter, a prospective player (or a member of said prospective player's massive entourage . . . ) - basically, employed in some way by the NFL either indirectly or directly, the NFL draft is somewhat of a snooze fest. How anyone can retain interest in watching 240 guys get picked is beyond me. Most people I know don't watch past the first 10 to 15 picks, and only listen out for their own teams picks. I mean, there are so many people to choose from, let's just admit this is sort of a random crapshoot after the first round or so, eh? Or admit that the way the players in the later rounds are picked is based on some criteria like, say, "finished 2nd in the 40 behind the guy who tested positive for weed during the combine." And these late picks may well be the guys who mean the most to the team in the long run. I think any GM who continually makes successful picks in the draft deserves a bonus just for that.

4. Derrick Rose! Show them why you were #1! I'm happy to see him rising to the occasion in his first playoff series, especially after the way he and Memphis let the championship slip from their grasp in the '08 NCAA final. Perhaps that was just a freshman mistake . . . only time will tell.

5. They're still showing Michael Vick's rescued dogs in segments on national news shows. The one I just watched (no idea what channel it was) featured a woman who was taking her Vick rescued dog to a trainer to help with its behavioral problems. And while this is still ongoing, she's bringing the dog around her small children. The interviewer asked her about this and she indicated that she wasn't concerned because of all the love and attention the dog was now receiving. Well, here's an anecdote for her: Recently, I was running out the door and left some chicken out on my stove in an aluminum tray. When I returned home, I discovered that my small-ish dog somehow managed to jump up on the stove, knock the tray down, and eat all of the chicken and most of the aluminum foil that was underneath it . . . all of which she managed to expel over the course of the next twelve hours. This is only the second time this has happened in the time I've had her, the first being nearly four years ago when she and her partner in crime jacked a Christmas ham. The moral of the story is this: dogs will be dogs so watch your back. . . and at least wait for the dog to complete the training before you loose it on your kids. I'm certain she wouldn't have allowed it around her kids if we were talking about a human who was trained to only kill people . . .

As Simple As 1 +1

Out of town tomorrow. Late night tonight. Can only mean one thing . . .

1. I caught the end of the Chicago Bulls/Miami Heat game, in which the Heat racked up its 24th loss out of the last 25 games. I didn't see Shawn Marion playing at all. But I did see Dwyane Wade taking ill-advised shots and turning the ball over on numerous occasions. Is he still injured? They looked terrible.

2. Monica Seles officially retired from tennis today. I had no idea that she hadn't actually retired, and she hasn't played a match in five years, but apparently she was trying for a comeback. Nine Grand Slam titles is nothing to sneeze at, and she was really nearing her peak when she got stabbed by the crazed Steffi Graf fan. Everything happens for a reason, though. Enjoy life after tennis, Monica. You are certainly one of the greats of the game.

3. Going back to basketball for a moment. The All-Star game rolls into New Orleans this weekend. I went to the one last year in Las Vegas but somehow missed most of the "action" people were talking about when I got back. I also missed the mile-long line to check in at the airport. Literally. People are predicting that New Orleans will be . . . interesting, but let's hope it's not quite as interesting as last year. I just read earlier today about how the NBA has engaged all of its major sponsors in doing community service projects for the city. I'm happy to see that they aren't just coming in, tearing up the town, and leaving because I don't know how much more NOLA can take. Hopefully Mardi Gras got it all out of people's systems.

4. Super Bowl winner (not a Patriot) and New York Giants linebacker Antonio Pierce has been charged with neglecting his pitbulls in the days leading up to the Super Bowl. Two pits escaped from his property, and one dog was found to be underweight and suffering from a respiratory illness, which prompted the charges. The charges would bring a fine, not jail time like his fellow league member, Michael Vick. I am hopeful that this was just a mistake and that maybe (just maybe) they were all too quick to pin another pitbull case on an NFL player. That, or Pierce should really check into doggy day care when he's going to be gone for long periods of time.

5. Am I the only one who forgot that at least part of the reason Congress cares about Roger Clemens is because it's illegal to use steroids without a prescription? Now it makes more sense why the Repubs were so adamant about calling Clemens' former trainer, Brian McNamee, being a drug dealer . . . he really was. But he didn't give any to Clemens. I have to work on not misremembering so much.

Now I know I didn't mention anything pertaining to the above pic of Manu Ginobili doing . . . I have no idea what he's doing, or if that move is even legal, but he looks funny. Something else that's funny is that he gave LeBron James and company the business on Wednesday night, scoring 46 points against the Cavs. I am a witness.

Not Hard Out Here For A Pit

The Michael Vick story continues . . .

Now the feds want to take about a million bucks of Vick's assets and use it to take care of his dogs, including finding them new homes.

How many dogs is this again? 54? I don't spend more than $10-$15 every 2 or 3 weeks on my two dogs. How much could it possibly cost to care for a dog and find it a new home?

Leona Helmsley, as you may recall, left $12 million to her one dog for the duration of its life. A million bucks for the care and housing of Vick's pitbulls?

I know his dogs may have suffered, but I swear dogs nowadays really have it better than humans.

And in case anyone is interested in the jail where Vick will be held for the next few weeks until he is sent to an actual prison, an AP writer did a feature on his new digs. No weight-lifting, just running and playing basketball. But at least he gets traditional Thanksgiving dinner. That's all that really matters.

There's Only Room Here For One Of Us

Ah, inspiration.

Let's start with the Atlanta Falcons' Jonathan Babineaux, who is breathing an enormous sigh of relief today after learning that he won't be facing charges for killing his girlfriend's pit bull.

The DA determined that Babineaux fought with the pit bull, and when it became clear that it was either him or the dog, Babineaux wisely chose to save himself. A classic case of self defense. The pit apparently had it coming. Not only had it provoked a few fights in the past, but it "had been neutered, placed on Prozac, sent to a dog trainer and kept on a leash." If Prozac doesn't get it, the dog probably can't be helped.

Good thing for Arthur Blank and the Falcons, because it's bad enough to have one convicted animal abuser on the team. Two would just be overkill.

(No pun intended.)

Trouble the Dog - $12 million . . . Flesh and blood - $0

I won't even mention you know who's name here, but I thought some of you might find this interesting.

So Leona Helmsley, the "Queen of Mean," passed away recently. The reason I find this interesting is because in her will, she left $12 million to her dog, Trouble, and left nothing for two of her four grandkids - who got cut out "for reasons known to them." Ouch.

Her brother and her charitable trust will receive millions. The two other grandkids stand to receive $ 5 million - on the condition that they visit their grandfather's grave site once a year. Even the chauffeur got a hundred grand.

But Trouble the dog made out like a bandit. He got his $12 million, unconditionally. And this despite having bitten a maid before.

Maybe you know who would have been better off had it been humans rather than dogs.