From Crappy to Happy . . . and Other NFL Fables

What a difference a game makes. It's funny how one big win on Monday Night Football can take a team from sucking underachiever to "contender in a matter of, oh, 60 playing minutes to be exact.

Before an hour ago, the Cleveland Browns were mush and their current starting QB, Derek Anderson, was looking at the door. Eager (and popular) beaver Brady Quinn has been breathing down his neck for about a year now, and he keeps looking cute and smiley (in a kid brother kind of way) on the sidelines, all the while knowing he's more popular than the guy who starts over him. As the MNF gang pointed out, Quinn is the only back up QB to have his own commercial . . . making Derek Anderson the only starting QB whose backup has one when he doesn't.

Now, Anderson looks like Tom Brady with his "precision" and "accurate" throws, and the Browns, who could have been 1-4 after tonight, now have to be taken seriously.

No, the Browns didn't win the Super Bowl, but they did beat the Super Bowl champs, who have been looking pretty good in their champions tour. I should say looked good because they looked pretty awful Monday night. Eli Manning throwing three times as many interceptions as he has had in four previous games? That'll do it. And that tackle . . . come on Eli, that was pitiful, at least make it look like you care. (I couldn't find a picture of it, but I'm still looking!) I guess that's better than that jump away from the pile that Tony Romo did.

Speaking of Romo, his little pinkie's crying wee wee wee all the way home. (Sidenote: Romo really is an unfortunate last name for a really good high school QB) He will be out for at least a month with a broken pinkie on his throwing hand sustained in the Dallas Cowboys' loss to the Arizona Cardinals. I guess this is the one position in the one sport where such an injury would really cause the player to take time off. Broken fingers, especially pinkies, look really gross if they aren't set properly. So for the sake of all of us who will be forced to watch that reality show he and Jessica Simpson will have, I hope it sets properly so we don't have to hear her calling it "yucky." We'll see if any similar Brady-type effects are felt with this loss. The Cowboys have looked shaky (and always manage to get shaken and stirred in the post-season) so I wouldn't call them anywhere near a lock for a Super Bowl, but this certainly changes things. Once again, I'm ecstatic that I was too late for fantasy football this year.

Richard Collier is reportedly out of the hospital. That's good news.

Adam Jones may have cost himself a whole lot more than pissed off hired help. Bad news. Very bad.

One last thing: Braylon Edwards is definitely a star, but why is he the only one they let speak? He's certainly nice to look at and "articulate," so I'm not complaining but I find it interesting they never really talk to anyone else on the team, not even the QB. And the media loves QBs. Does Derek Anderson have a bad stutter?

I'm Winning!!!

I know some of you cared more whether your favorite team won or lost (mine won), but the only thing I really cared about this Sunday was whether I'm winning in my Fantasy Football league. Which I am, thus far. I don't believe in jinxing, I believe in talent.

Here's a run-down of what I consider to be the top events in the NFL (recognizing my Fantasy Football bias):

1. Carson Palmer!! He threw six touchdowns. His opponent threw 5. Most TD's thrown by two QB's in almost 38 years. And Palmer and the Cincinatti Bengals still lost to the Cleveland Browns . . . but Palmer gained me 44 points, compensating for the dump LT took on my scoreboard. Yes, LaDainian Tomlinson played, but he might as well not have for the numbers he put up. The Bengals don't have to play defense at all this season as long as they keep scoring. Even better, nobody had the Browns' QB, so I didn't get "Romo'd" this week.

2. Old man Favre (Brett, that is) is not just hanging on, he's playing out of his mind. Not only did he catapult the Green Bay Packers over Eli Manning and the NY Giants, but he set the all-time record for wins by a QB. The previous owner of that record was none other than Coach Elway. As I told my cousin, I know he had that painkiller addiction, but I'm inclined to think he must be taking a whole lot of them right now to still be playing like he is. In any event, way to stick it to all the critics who said you should retire with dignity, Favre.

3. Vince Young is Cool Hand Luke on the football field. Cool as a cucumber, or the underside of the pillow, there's no panic from this guy. At least he doesn't show it. Even though I don't have him on my team, I like his style. And he has one of the best QB names around. And he and the Tennessee Titans almost swiped another one from Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts. Someone should tell him to stop taking naps in the locker room during halftime.

4. Jamal Lewis has gone from pleading guilty in 2005 to using his cell phone to help his friend set up a drug deal (oh boy), and spending 4 months in jail as a result, to rushing for over 200 yards (that's good, NPT) today in the Browns' win over the Bengals. His offense may top the list of "What were you thinking? Or maybe you weren't, and that's the problem." I just hope he found better friends. Keep fighting the good fight, Jamal.

I was at an ESPNZone watching most of these games, and the one thing I concluded is that ESPN is making a killing off of football season. They have a policy that if they have a "sell out" (meaning no tables "indefinitely" as I was told) you have to spend $10 per person, per hour.

I asked my friend what ESPN does when there's no football on, and he said that he would come there to watch a NASCAR race. Apparently, he didn't understand that I was asking about other sports that one would watch there.