Want To Be Like Mike? Not Today, You Don't.

Michael Jordan is a single man again after his divorce settlement with wife Juanita (Jordan still?). And just what did that divorce cost his Airness?

$168,000,000.00

Yes, that's $168 million, and yes, that's a lot of money. But it could have been worse.

Amazingly, Jordan and Juanita signed a prenuptial agreement that entitled her to half of his estate, but she opted to only take 1/3. Now I don't know what the law was back in 1989 when they first got hitched, but why anyone would make an agreement to give away half of their estate (the exact reason people don't like getting married in California) is beyond me. I presume to end this as quickly and amicably as possible. From that perspective, Jordan got a deal.

Juanita's a smart woman so I'm sure she'll do something smart with the money. She gets the seven-acre estate in Chicago and custody of the chil'run.

And what do YOU have to be thankful for this holiday season?

Hack-A-Shaq: Not So Fun When Your Wife is (Allegedly) Committing the Fouls

I wanted to post about this yesterday when it broke, but if you haven't heard already - if he needs an intro, you might be on the wrong blog - Shaquille O'Neal is seeking a divorce from his wife of five years, Shaunie. In court filings, Shaq has accused her of being shady with their assets. Hmm. Now why would the wife a multi-millionaire be hiding assets from her husband? The real reason could be anything, of course, but my first thought is that she was saving up for a rainy day. By that, I mean she knew that this day was coming and she was getting her affairs in order so that she wouldn't be left high and dry when the poo hit the fan.

And right behind those allegations come the rumors that she was having an affair with her personal trainer. While I wouldn't be surprised if these rumors were started by good ol' Superman himself, I am reminded of something a wise woman once told me. "If you're hiring someone who'll be working in your home, make sure s/he is either very old or very unattractive." Not that this means nothing will happen, but no sense setting anybody up for the fall, right? There is no way that I'd allow my husband to be trained by some 27 year old goddess, even if I were the fittest woman in the world . . . and for the record, I'm close to it, but not quite there yet.

So Shaq let his wife do "reps" with some hulky, Cuban adonis (he's a trainer to the stars in Miami - he's ripped) and now he wants to cry foul? (sorry, couldn't resist) I don't know about this one. What I do know is that divorces are probably the messiest proceedings you'll ever see, and absolutely anything is possible. God bless every family law attorney who deals with this stuff on a daily basis because that could never be me.

But alas, Shaq and Shaunie may not have to fight it out after all. I guess he heard the immortal words of Kanye West:

"We want prenup!"

My "favorite" part of the court filing is Shaq's requested custody arrangement:

As for custody, Shaq states that Shaunie should be “primary residential custodian” and that he should get “liberal rights of visitation.”

So basically he's saying "I'm leaving you but I want you to keep them, and I'll come see them when I feel like it." Awesome. I can't wait for Shaunie to go on Oprah with her side of the story. Actually, that probably violates the prenuptial agreement. Darn lawyers.

And lastly, don't worry about your new life, Shaunie. You're in pretty good company.