Yee-Ha!

Two of today's top stories came from the world of football - specifically, the Dallas Cowboys. Although there are a lot of topics worth running to (i.e., boxer Vitali Klitschko using his son's wet diapers to keep down hand-swelling, John Madden taking a seat, Eddy Curry taking a seat and busting an exercise ball, etc.), I decided to be a one-story-woman.

The first story is a toss up between Adam "Pacman" Jones getting suspended indefinitely by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell after not being disciplined by the Dallas Cowboys AND Roy Williams getting traded to the Dallas Cowboys, joining another Roy Williams. Either way it involves the Cowboys so I'll just pick one.



So it looks like Pacman may have used up his 9 lives with the NFL. How many guys keep getting this many chances to act right, though? This is a guy who, when the Dallas Cowboys got him in a trade from the Tennessee Titans, they included a clause to move up draft pick received by the Cowboys if he got suspended during this season. I completely disagree with the suggestion from the sports commentators that he somehow would deserve more of a chance, or would be worth the risk, if he were contributing more on the field this season. That's the thinking that got Pacman and his last two teams in trouble in the first place. If he's not learning right from wrong despite the number of chances he has been given then he just doesn't deserve anymore chances. Period.

The funny thing is that, normally, I'm not a fan of teams or leagues hanging a guy out to dry when they've tolerated his behavior all along the way, but that's not the situation that Pacman is in. He has been given chances - repeatedly - and he isn't making any progress. Maybe they're not getting him the right help (it sounds like he may have a drinking problem), but he has to do work on his part, too. The hardest thing for people who "care" (I use that term loosely) about people to realize is that some people just cannot be helped. All you can do is make the effort, but if you've done all you can and they don't respond, then you have to let them go. I don't want to say it's too late for him, nor can I say for sure that everyone has done all they can, but at the very, very least, he needs some time outside of the game to get his mind right before anyone gives him anymore chances. I know the Cowboys tried to keep him insulated and surrounded by good people, but it doesn't look like he changed on the inside. This reminds me of a fable my dad used to tell me:

A scorpion, being a very poor swimmer, asked a turtle to carry him on his back across a river. "Are you mad?" exclaimed the turtle. "You'll sting me while I'm swimming and I'll drown." "My dear turtle," laughed the scorpion, "if I were to sting you, you would drown and I would go down with you. Now where is the logic in that?" "You're right!" cried the turtle. "Hop on!" The scorpion climbed aboard and halfway across the river gave the turtle a mighty sting. As they both sank to the bottom, the turtle resignedly said: "Do you mind if I ask you something? You said there'd be no logic in your stinging me. Why did you do it?" "It has nothing to do with logic," the drowning scorpion sadly replied. "It's just my character."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is Pacman Jones, in a nutshell. Yes, a person is certainly capable of changing, but if he doesn't go through a serious character metamorphosis, this is a lost cause. The next team who dares take a chance on him may last a little while without incident, but they're only playing with fire. There are too many other talented players out there who would be able to appreciate the shot Pacman's been given.

So to any team who insists on even considering bringing Pacman Jones to town (assuming Goodell allows him to come back), please do yourself (and your fans) and him a favor and make him go through counseling for at least a year without playing (and without any incidents of any kind) . . . or just let him go.


Enough of that. On to the Roy L. Williams trade (not to be confused with Roy E. Williams, who was already a member of the Cowboys). People said this was a bad move by the Lions and the Cowboys. (Even worse than that move by QB Dan Orlovsky when he got a safety for attempting to extend the end zone past it's legal limits, and then the Lions lost the game by exactly two points? Doubtful.) Again, I'm going to have to disagree. This is a GREAT move by the Lions, probably the best seen since the Barry Sanders days.

The Lions picked up a future 1st, 3rd, and 6th round pick in the 2009 draft and got rid of a guy who couldn't wait to go. I imagine Williams feels a little bit like that one hostage who gets released. Who wouldn't want to get out of that miserable muck? I bet even Matt Millen has been sleeping soundly since he got the boot.

Most importantly, though, this gives the Lions another chance to blow it all up and start over, which is exactly what they need to do. If I were the Lions GM, I'd totally gut the team. Everyone. Every last player, starting with the ones who have been there the longest. I don't want anyone there who remembers what it was like to lose so terribly so many times, at least not until they've spent some time knowing what it's like to win somewhere else. The human mind is too powerful to ignore the psychological effect of being in a losing locker room for so many seasons.

From the Cowboys perspective, Williams may have been a Pro Bowler once upon a time, but he's not putting up Pro Bowl numbers these days (in his defense, he played for the Lions, which needs no explanation). So it remains to be seen how he'll fit in with T.O., who is said to be "ecstatic" with the trade. The only way T.O. is ecstatic is if he gets to catch the ball more often. And if Williams can draw some of the heat away from T.O., that leaves the latter open to catch more passes. Now I get it . . .

Let's just hope Tony Romo comes back before the season gets too far away from them . . . speaking of which, I'm now questioning Romo's allegiance after hearing about college football player Trevor Wikre, who opted to cut his off to avoid season-ending surgery. This is high on my list of most disturbing things I've ever heard.

From Crappy to Happy . . . and Other NFL Fables

What a difference a game makes. It's funny how one big win on Monday Night Football can take a team from sucking underachiever to "contender in a matter of, oh, 60 playing minutes to be exact.

Before an hour ago, the Cleveland Browns were mush and their current starting QB, Derek Anderson, was looking at the door. Eager (and popular) beaver Brady Quinn has been breathing down his neck for about a year now, and he keeps looking cute and smiley (in a kid brother kind of way) on the sidelines, all the while knowing he's more popular than the guy who starts over him. As the MNF gang pointed out, Quinn is the only back up QB to have his own commercial . . . making Derek Anderson the only starting QB whose backup has one when he doesn't.

Now, Anderson looks like Tom Brady with his "precision" and "accurate" throws, and the Browns, who could have been 1-4 after tonight, now have to be taken seriously.

No, the Browns didn't win the Super Bowl, but they did beat the Super Bowl champs, who have been looking pretty good in their champions tour. I should say looked good because they looked pretty awful Monday night. Eli Manning throwing three times as many interceptions as he has had in four previous games? That'll do it. And that tackle . . . come on Eli, that was pitiful, at least make it look like you care. (I couldn't find a picture of it, but I'm still looking!) I guess that's better than that jump away from the pile that Tony Romo did.

Speaking of Romo, his little pinkie's crying wee wee wee all the way home. (Sidenote: Romo really is an unfortunate last name for a really good high school QB) He will be out for at least a month with a broken pinkie on his throwing hand sustained in the Dallas Cowboys' loss to the Arizona Cardinals. I guess this is the one position in the one sport where such an injury would really cause the player to take time off. Broken fingers, especially pinkies, look really gross if they aren't set properly. So for the sake of all of us who will be forced to watch that reality show he and Jessica Simpson will have, I hope it sets properly so we don't have to hear her calling it "yucky." We'll see if any similar Brady-type effects are felt with this loss. The Cowboys have looked shaky (and always manage to get shaken and stirred in the post-season) so I wouldn't call them anywhere near a lock for a Super Bowl, but this certainly changes things. Once again, I'm ecstatic that I was too late for fantasy football this year.

Richard Collier is reportedly out of the hospital. That's good news.

Adam Jones may have cost himself a whole lot more than pissed off hired help. Bad news. Very bad.

One last thing: Braylon Edwards is definitely a star, but why is he the only one they let speak? He's certainly nice to look at and "articulate," so I'm not complaining but I find it interesting they never really talk to anyone else on the team, not even the QB. And the media loves QBs. Does Derek Anderson have a bad stutter?

Rundown From the Stuffed Up

My head is stuffy today. I don't know if it's allergies or whether I'm getting sick, but I do know one thing: we're running:



1. Tragic update today on Jacksonville Jaguars offensive tackle Richard Collier. While it looks like he will live, he's going to be paralyzed from the waist down and had to have his leg amputated. He was shot 14 times. Wow. The shots to the groin apparently caused clotting which required amputation. His agent says he's down and out because he won't be able to fulfill his lifetime dream. I can't imagine how he must feel. I hope they're keeping an eye on him because this is a lot for a man of his age and potential to take. I also hope that he finds his new purpose in life, because he does have one if he can find the will to keep living. Keep your head up, Collier.


2. In other sad news, last Wednesday, the 3-month old son of Tampa Bay Buccaneers' kicker Matt Bryant, Tryson, died suddenly in his sleep. It wasn't clear if Bryant, who had kicked the winning field goal the week before, would play this past Sunday. But he flew in from the funeral and not only played in the game, his field goal put the Bucs ahead of the Green Bay Packers for good. His teammates played harder for him and he rose to the occasion. I've said before that sports are a microcosm of life. Well, sometimes, they are therapy for life. My condolences to the Bryant family.


3. In happier news, Josh Howard apologized for his actions while addressing the media on the Dallas Mavericks' first day of training camp. In apologizing for his actions from the past 5 months, Howard said "this is not the way I carry myself . . ." but I say, au contraire, mon frère! This is how you carry yourself. The trick is to not get carried away . . .


4. Terrell Owens is turning on yet another QB. Just when you thought all was rosy in T.O. Land, it turns out all is still the same. By still the same, I mean still a mess - and still screwing himself out of endorsements. Following the Cowboys loss to their arch-rival Washington Redskins, T.O. had only complaints about not getting the ball from his formerly-beloved QB Tony Romo. Somewhere, despite the Cowboys' record, Jeff Garcia and Donovan McNabb are ecstatic that they aren't in Romo's position, even if that means they don't get to [sing country music] with Jessica Simpson.


5. Somehow, in the course of one week, I missed the entire WNBA Eastern and Western Conference Finals. The finals, which start on Wednesday, will feature the Detroit Shock and the San Antonio Silver Stars (seriously, who approved that name?). I didn't, however, miss this quote from Shock coach Bill Laimbeer: "You can't win the championship unless you're in the finals, and we're there." I'll cut Bill some slack because it probably sounded better before he saw it in print. It looks like I'll have to DVR this series in order to find some mention of it. . .


6. (I considered mentioning Monday Night Football here, but other than the overtime win, and Ray Lewis' usual antics, there wasn't much to report. Nice win, Steelers.) The Detroit Lions can take solace in the fact that at least one team in the NFL may - incredibly - be worse than they are: the St. Louis Rams. After benching QB Marc Bulger, Rams coach Scott Linehan got one better than the bench. He got the boot. You know it's bad when you blow it up with 12 more games to go. Whether this will be the same script, different cast remains to be seen . . . no, it doesn't. We can clearly see that winter in the Midwest started in September.

Running Into the Weekend

Is it just me or is this the longest week ever? I feel like I've been going to work for a week straight already, and it's not even Friday yet.

Funny stuff out there today. This won't exactly be a run-down, but I am going to jump around a little bit.

First, Shaquille O'Neal is quite the character. Today, he played Nostradamus, informing the public that he will cease to be a professional basketball player in "735 days." He says he's going into law enforcement. There is only one word for this: awesome. Hopefully, he'll be a beat cop for a little while so someone can give him his own reality show. (I would DVR that, too.) Personally, I'd like to see him become a lawyer. He certainly has a way with people, and they love him even when he's openly dissing Kobe Bryant (T.O.: take note). This bodes well for his ability to sway a jury . . . but says nothing about his ability to rap. I hope he retires from rapping in 735 days, too . . . or sooner. I mean that in the nicest way possible . . .

Vince Young took to the cameras to re-affirm that he's OK and that there's nothing to worry about. I, for one, didn't believe you'd lost your love for the game, as some have charged. But I'm going to have to agree with the PTI guys here, Vince. Mama and coach don't just jump in the fray and call the police over nothing. People are hating on you and will continue to hate on you until you right the ship, but don't let them get you down. Keep fighting the good fight. You can do it . . .


I'm going to give this college football thing a try so I can see what all the fuss is about, starting with Ohio State's game vs. USC. It's not like I've never watched a whole game, it just didn't really factor into my family's sports viewing habits so I only really watched it if someone I knew was playing or a bowl game. I'm kind of mad that it's looking like I won't get to see this guy Chris "Beanie" Wells play, which means I may have to watch Ohio State play again at some point when he's finally back (which may help my viewership). 2,500 comments about one guy's injury on ESPN.com? Clearly, I'm missing something . . .


Speaking of Ohio, folks there are peeved with its native son, LeBron James, for his affinity for sports teams located outside of its borders. (Warning: I'm actually supporting him here. I think I'm getting soft in my old age.) He's a fan of the NY Yankees, Dallas Cowboys, and Chicago Bulls - all teams that have enjoyed tremendous success in their respective sports, particularly while James was growing up. It seems like he's just like half of the country in his preferences, even picking up on "America's team" in the Yankees and Cowboys. I don't really see anything wrong with that. While it may seem hard to understand how a man can root against the home team when he has lived there his whole life, I know plenty of people who have done it. My guess is popular teams gain the most fans they're winning, and the most successful teams tend to keep those fans even if they start losing. But, come on, it's LeBron James. He likes winners because he strongly identifies with what they do . . . win, which is more than can be said for most of the teams in Ohio (pro, not college, of course). Sure, it probably stung the Cleveland Browns to see him donning a Yankees cap, blue and silver tee, and saying what's up to his boys on the Dallas Cowboys sideline, but I think they should just be happy he's still playing in Cleveland . . . for now . . .

Speaking of Cowboys, Tony Romo made a stop on his way home from Cleveland last Sunday night to help a couple change a flat tire. The couple said that 100 cars drove by before someone stopped to help them. And he'd just gotten over a dozen stitches in his chin. I think it's great that he stopped, which I know most people (including me - not at night!) wouldn't have done, and clearly didn't do here. But I'm most happy that he knows how to change a tire. I had wrongly assumed my whole life that all men knew how to do this until a few months ago. This is one area where equality isn't so important . . .


Rounding up with football, Ricky Williams proved that you can negotiate your own contract when he re-upped with the Miami Dolphins, all by himself, with no agent (Look ma, no hands!). I don't know how well he negotiated it, but if anyone can, he can. I think some of his past actions have caused people to underestimate how intelligent he really is. I'm encouraged to see veterans taking control of their own decision-making. Most lawyers/agents may not like what I'm going to say, but I look at it like this: if you've gone to trial 5 times for the exact same offense, you could probably do a pretty decent job defending yourself on the 6th one. Just a thought . . .


Have a great weekend!

Just Running

So it turns out I really do need sleep. And today was one of the least exciting sports days that I can recall. That can only mean one thing:

1. Kobe Bryant is taking it like a man (what does that really mean?) and is deciding to forego pinkie surgery. Coincidentally, several people I know who've played basketball have really fmessed up pinkie fingers that they never got fixed. It may not look pretty, but as long as his pinkie can support the ball, he'll probably be OK. I always knew he was tough.

2. San Francisco 49ers QB Alex Smith looks like he's out for the year with a broken shoulder. (This was not supposed to be an injury report, I swear). And it looks like he's thrown his last pass for the 49ers - for good. He came in with high hopes, and ended up . . . injured. I recall a certain someone from my fantasy team (who may or may not read this blog) who had him on their team and ended up regretting it. It sounds like another case of a guy with an injury that needs time being forced to come back before he's ready. And unfortunately, the person who pays the worst price is always the athlete. Check out this article by Jemele Hill, where she virtually composes an open-letter to Shawne Merriman asking him to stop playing. (Turns out he didn't have a choice.) And as an added injury-bonus, DJ Gallo from Page 2 explains why Matt Cassel's better than Tom Brady. Funny stuff.

3. I caught the tail end of the L.A. Angels/N.Y. Yankees game on ESPN. The Angels clinched the AL West with the win, the first team to have a solid spot in October. I also caught the familiar champagne bath after the game. I thought about how it was funny to see a team celebrating like that just for making the playoffs, but I guess the season's so long and the playoffs only include a few teams so it's a bigger deal than in other sports. But who knows. Baseball has so many "traditions" that it's hard to keep track sometimes . . . I may have mentioned here that I used to turn on baseball games to take naps, and I actually fell asleep during the game tonight, but maybe it was just a Pavlov's dog reaction. I can fully admit I'm more ho-hum than usual because no team I care about has been in contention. This fight between Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez and Torii Hunter did pique my interest. Just a bit. Actually, the fact that Derek Jeter passed Babe Ruth's Yankees record for most hits also interests me. As you saw a few days ago, I'm skeptical of any accolades received when the playing field fails to include everyone who could beat you. Congrats, Jeter.

4. Continuing the theme, allegedly, there's this like, really big college football game on Saturday featuring USC v. Ohio State - the #1 and #5 ranked teams in the country, respectively. I haven't been much of a college football fan but I think I may watch this one. That is, if I have energy after Camp Obama . . . if not, DVR will have to come through in the clutch. Have I mentioned how much I love DVR yet? Or how happy I am that I never gave Comcast my money for this service?

5. #3 and #4 above made me realize now that I need to expand my sports horizons so I have more to write in these run-downs (I rarely run out of material for the longer posts, I just run out of time!) Since football's primarily a Sunday event, there just isn't much action to keep my attention on the weekdays. . . until the NBA starts up. Jessica Simpson/Tony Romo stories just don't do it for me - although the "Yoko Romo" tag was amusing.

6. I know it's usually five, but just as I was about to wrap this up, I turned on vh1 to check out Luke's Parental Advisory. When I turned it on, I wasn't sure which "Luke" they were referring to (Luke Jensen got a reality show?) but then I saw that Uncle Luke aka Doo Doo Brown, former fearless leader of 2 Live Crew, has his own show. In the two minutes I saw, I caught the following: Luke and his fiancee, Kristin, appear to be getting married soon, so they are sitting with someone talking about potential videographers. The other guy tells Uncle Luke about a few and notes that one of them shoots "pornos." Luke, naturally, says he wants this guy. Why? Because he is "good at close ups" and "taking tight shots" (and as Luke later tells us, "You know he can get the money shot.") When Kristin protests, this other guy says he's siding with the bride on this one. She actually seems like a classy lady. Further proof that love really is blind.

Oh Snap!

My favorite fantasy QB Tony Romo re-upped with the Dallas Cowboys - America's team - for six years, and $67.5 million, and $31 million in guaranteed money.

One year after replacing Drew Bledsoe, less than a year since his "snap, cackle, drop" that knocked the Cowboys out of the playoffs - and prompted this action figure of Romo after he was tackled while he scrambled to recover the botched snap:

and now he's the golden boy. (If I weren't so nice, I might have put that picture at the top of this post.). It's amazing how a little success makes everyone forget the bad times. I just hope he earns his keep.

Well, he has already taken a page from the Tom Brady school of dating celebutantes ( . . . and Brady took it a step further), so he should be on his way to several Super Bowls like Brady, too. (Or did the ladies start showing up after the Super Bowls. . .?)

For all my annoyance with him for ruining my first fantasy matchup, he does seem to have all the trappings of being a good guy (in public anyway) after that crying and apologizing to his teammates right after "Snap-gate" and asking to be the holder at the Pro Bowl shortly thereafter. And he seems quite humbled by the contract he received.

Congrats, Romo. No pressure or anything.

I'm Winning!!!

I know some of you cared more whether your favorite team won or lost (mine won), but the only thing I really cared about this Sunday was whether I'm winning in my Fantasy Football league. Which I am, thus far. I don't believe in jinxing, I believe in talent.

Here's a run-down of what I consider to be the top events in the NFL (recognizing my Fantasy Football bias):

1. Carson Palmer!! He threw six touchdowns. His opponent threw 5. Most TD's thrown by two QB's in almost 38 years. And Palmer and the Cincinatti Bengals still lost to the Cleveland Browns . . . but Palmer gained me 44 points, compensating for the dump LT took on my scoreboard. Yes, LaDainian Tomlinson played, but he might as well not have for the numbers he put up. The Bengals don't have to play defense at all this season as long as they keep scoring. Even better, nobody had the Browns' QB, so I didn't get "Romo'd" this week.

2. Old man Favre (Brett, that is) is not just hanging on, he's playing out of his mind. Not only did he catapult the Green Bay Packers over Eli Manning and the NY Giants, but he set the all-time record for wins by a QB. The previous owner of that record was none other than Coach Elway. As I told my cousin, I know he had that painkiller addiction, but I'm inclined to think he must be taking a whole lot of them right now to still be playing like he is. In any event, way to stick it to all the critics who said you should retire with dignity, Favre.

3. Vince Young is Cool Hand Luke on the football field. Cool as a cucumber, or the underside of the pillow, there's no panic from this guy. At least he doesn't show it. Even though I don't have him on my team, I like his style. And he has one of the best QB names around. And he and the Tennessee Titans almost swiped another one from Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts. Someone should tell him to stop taking naps in the locker room during halftime.

4. Jamal Lewis has gone from pleading guilty in 2005 to using his cell phone to help his friend set up a drug deal (oh boy), and spending 4 months in jail as a result, to rushing for over 200 yards (that's good, NPT) today in the Browns' win over the Bengals. His offense may top the list of "What were you thinking? Or maybe you weren't, and that's the problem." I just hope he found better friends. Keep fighting the good fight, Jamal.

I was at an ESPNZone watching most of these games, and the one thing I concluded is that ESPN is making a killing off of football season. They have a policy that if they have a "sell out" (meaning no tables "indefinitely" as I was told) you have to spend $10 per person, per hour.

I asked my friend what ESPN does when there's no football on, and he said that he would come there to watch a NASCAR race. Apparently, he didn't understand that I was asking about other sports that one would watch there.

Tony Romo Made Me Lose!

Someone please tell me how in the world did Dallas Cowboys' quarterback Tony Romo score 40 points in ESPN's Fantasy Football this week?? With 5 touchdowns, no less. To give you some perspective, most of the top players aren't getting more than 25 points. Because of his "treeing," I am going to lose this week. Hopefully, he'll be back to normal next week.

And maybe even back to last year. Sorry, Tony, I'm bitter. Can you tell?