Two Days For Tuesday

This post took me two days to finish writing, but like I always say, better late than never. It makes me feel better about being late.

1. O-town! I guess it's kind of a big deal about the Detroit Lions going 0-16. I like the post-game quotes about how much this sucks. I don't know what changed between 0-15 and 0-16, and hey, at least they were consistent. I don't really see why you go down in history for losing all of the games vs. going 1-15. They're equally as awful, just the one loss doesn't get as much press (or puns). Look at the Miami Dolphins, they were 1-15 and now they're going to the playoffs. Miracles do happen. Maybe not on the Lions, but they happen to other people . . . (On a sidenote, I know my blog has infiltrated my mind because I hear the words "playoffs" and "practice" and automatically think of Jim Mora and Allen Iverson, respectively. Am I alone in this?)

**UPDATE** - Lions' coach Rod Marinelli got the boot on Monday. But Marinelli still managed to sound as positive and upbeat as the day he took the job. He truly seems like a good guy, and I wish him all the best down the road. As for the Lions, I'll deal with them again right before the next season.

2. Speaking of being in need of a miracle, WHAT was that crap the Dallas Cowboys laid on the field today against the Philadelphia Eagles (aka, the Iggles)? So you have a golden opportunity to get into the playoffs (via the wild card game, and after several other improbable wins by other teams) and what do you do? Get blown out, and help some guy (or gal) clean up in the final week of fantasy football. It appears the Lions loss made enough headlines to knock the Cowboys off of the front page, despite the colossal failure that was this game. But if I had to choose to be a Cowboy or a Lion . . . well, I'd still be a Cowboy because who the heck wants to be in the Hall of ShFame for losing every game in a seaon, but the Cowboys is a close -- nope, it's still a distant second, but it's fairly embarrassing and it also sucks. To add insult to injury, Tony Romo collapsed in the shower after the game following a rib injury sustained during the game that affected his breathing. Hmm . . . well, I guess if your team is going to have as many turnovers and mistakes as the Cowboys had, then it softens the blow to get your own butt individually kicked, too. Way to take one with the team.

3. One team might be slightly more pissed than the Cowboys: the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who fell in fantastic form to the Oakland Raiders. A game which even very-involved Raiders owner Al Davis skipped because he thought it was a lost cause. Maybe it doesn't matter if you lose every game or if you win most of them if you both end up sitting at home in January . . .

4. Mike Singletary now has a permanent home (well, through the first few games of next season) with the San Francisco 49ers. Congrats to him. It's nice to know that mooning your employees is not fatal to one's career advancement.

5. Moving away from football for the moment, my "friend" - I use that term loosely because he is a fan of both LeBron and the man I am about to mention - put me on to this video of Kevin Garnett being interviewed by John Thompson. It's no secret that I have never been a big KG fan, mainly because he seemed to be a whiner, which is the quickest way to get yourself on Pleats 'n Cleats' Least Fave 5. But after watching this, I'd have to say he is either a really good actor or has the heart of a lion. I certainly can't hate on that.



Maybe he's not so bad after all . . .

Yee-Ha!

Two of today's top stories came from the world of football - specifically, the Dallas Cowboys. Although there are a lot of topics worth running to (i.e., boxer Vitali Klitschko using his son's wet diapers to keep down hand-swelling, John Madden taking a seat, Eddy Curry taking a seat and busting an exercise ball, etc.), I decided to be a one-story-woman.

The first story is a toss up between Adam "Pacman" Jones getting suspended indefinitely by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell after not being disciplined by the Dallas Cowboys AND Roy Williams getting traded to the Dallas Cowboys, joining another Roy Williams. Either way it involves the Cowboys so I'll just pick one.



So it looks like Pacman may have used up his 9 lives with the NFL. How many guys keep getting this many chances to act right, though? This is a guy who, when the Dallas Cowboys got him in a trade from the Tennessee Titans, they included a clause to move up draft pick received by the Cowboys if he got suspended during this season. I completely disagree with the suggestion from the sports commentators that he somehow would deserve more of a chance, or would be worth the risk, if he were contributing more on the field this season. That's the thinking that got Pacman and his last two teams in trouble in the first place. If he's not learning right from wrong despite the number of chances he has been given then he just doesn't deserve anymore chances. Period.

The funny thing is that, normally, I'm not a fan of teams or leagues hanging a guy out to dry when they've tolerated his behavior all along the way, but that's not the situation that Pacman is in. He has been given chances - repeatedly - and he isn't making any progress. Maybe they're not getting him the right help (it sounds like he may have a drinking problem), but he has to do work on his part, too. The hardest thing for people who "care" (I use that term loosely) about people to realize is that some people just cannot be helped. All you can do is make the effort, but if you've done all you can and they don't respond, then you have to let them go. I don't want to say it's too late for him, nor can I say for sure that everyone has done all they can, but at the very, very least, he needs some time outside of the game to get his mind right before anyone gives him anymore chances. I know the Cowboys tried to keep him insulated and surrounded by good people, but it doesn't look like he changed on the inside. This reminds me of a fable my dad used to tell me:

A scorpion, being a very poor swimmer, asked a turtle to carry him on his back across a river. "Are you mad?" exclaimed the turtle. "You'll sting me while I'm swimming and I'll drown." "My dear turtle," laughed the scorpion, "if I were to sting you, you would drown and I would go down with you. Now where is the logic in that?" "You're right!" cried the turtle. "Hop on!" The scorpion climbed aboard and halfway across the river gave the turtle a mighty sting. As they both sank to the bottom, the turtle resignedly said: "Do you mind if I ask you something? You said there'd be no logic in your stinging me. Why did you do it?" "It has nothing to do with logic," the drowning scorpion sadly replied. "It's just my character."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is Pacman Jones, in a nutshell. Yes, a person is certainly capable of changing, but if he doesn't go through a serious character metamorphosis, this is a lost cause. The next team who dares take a chance on him may last a little while without incident, but they're only playing with fire. There are too many other talented players out there who would be able to appreciate the shot Pacman's been given.

So to any team who insists on even considering bringing Pacman Jones to town (assuming Goodell allows him to come back), please do yourself (and your fans) and him a favor and make him go through counseling for at least a year without playing (and without any incidents of any kind) . . . or just let him go.


Enough of that. On to the Roy L. Williams trade (not to be confused with Roy E. Williams, who was already a member of the Cowboys). People said this was a bad move by the Lions and the Cowboys. (Even worse than that move by QB Dan Orlovsky when he got a safety for attempting to extend the end zone past it's legal limits, and then the Lions lost the game by exactly two points? Doubtful.) Again, I'm going to have to disagree. This is a GREAT move by the Lions, probably the best seen since the Barry Sanders days.

The Lions picked up a future 1st, 3rd, and 6th round pick in the 2009 draft and got rid of a guy who couldn't wait to go. I imagine Williams feels a little bit like that one hostage who gets released. Who wouldn't want to get out of that miserable muck? I bet even Matt Millen has been sleeping soundly since he got the boot.

Most importantly, though, this gives the Lions another chance to blow it all up and start over, which is exactly what they need to do. If I were the Lions GM, I'd totally gut the team. Everyone. Every last player, starting with the ones who have been there the longest. I don't want anyone there who remembers what it was like to lose so terribly so many times, at least not until they've spent some time knowing what it's like to win somewhere else. The human mind is too powerful to ignore the psychological effect of being in a losing locker room for so many seasons.

From the Cowboys perspective, Williams may have been a Pro Bowler once upon a time, but he's not putting up Pro Bowl numbers these days (in his defense, he played for the Lions, which needs no explanation). So it remains to be seen how he'll fit in with T.O., who is said to be "ecstatic" with the trade. The only way T.O. is ecstatic is if he gets to catch the ball more often. And if Williams can draw some of the heat away from T.O., that leaves the latter open to catch more passes. Now I get it . . .

Let's just hope Tony Romo comes back before the season gets too far away from them . . . speaking of which, I'm now questioning Romo's allegiance after hearing about college football player Trevor Wikre, who opted to cut his off to avoid season-ending surgery. This is high on my list of most disturbing things I've ever heard.

The Quickie Trifecta

This is shaping into an interesting season for some NFL teams. (I'm ignoring the Adam Jones issues because, really, you get what you pay for.) Interesting in a good way (Atlanta Falcons, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, St. Louis Rams, and of course, the Arizona Cardinals) and a bad way (Dallas Cowboys, Washington Redskins). Teams that are used to losing (Detroit Lions, Oakland Raiders) are not interesting. Good game (finally) for that other Manning brother - Peyton. A blocked field goal sealed the Cardinals win over the Cowboys, who just barely made it into overtime to begin with before that most terrible way to lose. And I take back what I said about the Lions. Their game was actually a little interesting considering it ended in a controversial pass interference call that put the Minnesota Vikings in position to kick a field goal for the win. Although the manner of the ending may have been a surprise, the fact that the Lions lost is not. Maybe if they were in contention for . . . anything, (other than worst team of the last century) then someone would care and maybe even calling for the head of the referee who threw the flag. But the Lions are the Lions, and the ref's job is safe and sound. At least the Lions stimulate the economy. . . .

Monta Ellis may be pissed (although looking at the above pic, he doesn't really look like he gets pissed, does he?) that the Golden State Warriors suspended him 30 games for lying about what happened to his ankle but he should really be glad that they didn't terminate his contract. Of course, he's going to appeal the decision but he doesn't have too much of a bargaining position since what he did made his agreement voidable (i.e., ripped up since riding a motorcycle violates its terms). And former-Run TMC member turned VP of basketball operations for the Warriors, Chris Mullin, has not ruled out the possibility of still voiding the contract if he doesn't play like they paid him to do (read: if he sucks). This will certainly teach him and everyone else that a) lying b) about something that can easily be verified c) where the consequence is losing your livelihood, is just not smart. To any other NBA players currently riding bikes: there are many, many other ways to get your jollies other than by risking your life and career over silliness. Find one.

Speaking of outdoor activities (sorta), the NBA staged its first outdoor game since 1972 in a preaseason matchup between the Phoenix Suns and the Denver Nuggets (minus Allen Iverson and Carmelo Anthony who were injured . . .right) in normally beautiful Indian Wells, California. (Indian Wells is also home to a mini-major WTA and ATP tennis tournament.) The number one priority for the league was to make sure that it didn't rain, so they took a cue from Tony! Toni! Tone! (thank me later) and went with Southern California. However, while it might not rain, it can get a bit nippy in the desert when the sun goes down, which it did on this particular night. They say the temperature was in the mid-60's but felt colder because of the 15 MPH winds. Even the seemingly "insulated" Sir Charles (Barkley) had to put a scarf on by the 4th quarter. I'm not sure this is something the NBA wants to do haphazardly. I'm sure most of these guys haven't really played pick up outside in a long time, either. There are plans to do another preseason game outside next year, and maybe even a regular season game. As for the latter, I can't really see that happening. Unless every team had to play outside at least once during the season, and the game was against a "not serious" contender, I can't see the NBA guys going for this at all. And this game had atrocious shooting and Shaquille O'Neal-level free throw shooting from O'Neal and many other players. (Nuggets' guard Mateen Cleaves had the best combined field goal and free throw percentage on the night . . . also probably the most likely of the bunch to be playing pick up ball outside this summer - coincidence?) Although Melo and AI didn't play, the Nuggets magaged to pull off the win 77-72. Pretty low-scoring for the run and gun west. If that keeps up, once the novelty wears off, so will the fans.

Happy Monday!

(Although it is allegedly also Columbus Day in some circles, I don't believe in Columbus Day, especially if we don't get the day off of work.)

The Cycle of Suck

(Since I first started writing this several days ago, the Detroit Lions have unloaded their 7 year itch and team president, Matt Millen, giving the fans what they want, just not exactly when they wanted it. The timing couldn't have been better for this post, though. See? Every cloud does have a silver lining. )

Several teams are still undefeated in the NFL right now . . . and a few are still waiting for that ever elusive first win. Some will continue to wait for a few more weeks. Some will wait forever.

Mainstream media loves winners. Sure, they talk about losers, but it's not usually the top story unless no winner was also involved (i.e., the Lions firing of Millen, or a story on top 10 worst teams of all time).

But you learn more from losing than you do from winning.

Continually awful teams in professional sports and the fans who love/loathe them are an interesting study in how sport really is a microcosm of life (thanks, dad). In this post, I will take a trip through the "suck cycle" and then wrap up with my two cents on why we, the fans, still stick around to its completion. I decided against giving examples so that the trip can be a personal one. Here we go . . .

There are a few characteristics that apply to just about every awful team: They make few bold moves in the off-season. They're used to being hated so they keep using unquantifiable terms like "rebuild" or "taking it one game at a time." (So when they're still "rebuilding" after 20 years, perhaps they meant waiting for good players to be born?) They ignore the boos from their fans during draft day every year when they pick a dud . . . again, and the resounding boos during the game directed at the latest asinine trade. They even ignore the protest parades through the streets where people carry dolls on sticks dressed like management (yes, that has happened).

But despite all of this, every year, the fans get excited that this will be "the year" . . . just to come to the realization that the happiest moment of the year was the night before the first game. Then, before they know it, 30 years have passed, and while we've all had our ups and downs, the team's only "up" was that hiccup when they made it to the playoffs. Maybe even the finals. That one year. Back in '89. (Or was it '98?) You also remember the entire stat line of anyone who played that game. From time to time, you might even pop in that Betamax of the game that you just knew would be a collector's item when they finally won . . . but you're still waiting.

The "awful" process also tends to follow a familiar pattern:

In the beginning, when they first start stinking, the players individually get the blame - no offense, weak defense, too many turnovers/penalties, off-court/field knuckleheadism, etc. The player's stock may begin to drop at this point unless his individual numbers are at or near the top of the league.

Then, inevitably, the losing continues, perhaps an entire season or more, even though some of the key players have changed. All it takes is one player whom we once considered to be good to come to the team and fail. "It can't be just the players," we say. "Let's keep looking up the chain. The coach. It must be his fault."

But then, that well-respected coach comes to town and he can't turn it around either. Frustration increases, and we're in denial, because we know if player and coach were legit, the fight to get to "good" may be out of our hands. Sadly, that can only mean one thing: the crap is systemic. If a player or a coach sucks, and the fans are behind it, then management probably sees it, too, and acts accordingly. But when blame has made its way up to management level, then we know we're battling an owner who could well be immune to the wants of the people if s/he/they is/are getting paid (read: really paid) regardless of the team's performance. I'm really sitting on my hands here not to provide examples, but I'm keeping my word . . . (And by the way, any time the casual fan knows management by name, rest assured you have yourselves a crappy team.)

And so the "Fire ______!" chant goes on, because if we've gotten this far, then dagnabit, we're not stopping until we get a response. Even if responding wouldn't immediately help the team, we'll take anything because nothing is worse than doing nothing at all. And sometimes, when we least expect it, many years after the first tear was shed, the owner responds and fires management.

An interesting phenomenon occurs when management is the scapegoat: The players can pretty much crap (literally) on the field and we wouldn't care. Of course, we'd complain, but that would just take us right back to how poor management is. I can't imagine this is good for the psychology of the player, though. It has to make them worse off in the long run, even if they would have been decent had they never been sent to this black hole of a team. Maybe that's what happened to [insert name of once-thought good player who came to the team and never recovered.]. On second thought, no, [insert name of QB player who recently lost a job in the NFL] really is that bad.

But what happens if the new management never picks winners? While we like to think there is some science to this, the truth is, every draft and every trade involves a gamble, and hindsight is always 20/20. If the streak of no winners continues for years, then does that mean it's time for a new owner, and if so, do we publicly campaign to force the sell?

Alas, even when we think we've gotten what we wanted (i.e. old management is gone), we come to another sad realization: there is no clear cut solution to what ails the team. We can track what past teams have done and say that's what needs to be done, but I think good results are more of a "perfect storm" than a "perfect science." As I've said in the past, winning covers up a multitude of sins.

When the team is that bad, I truly think the best idea is to blow it up and start over. The fans will remain post-blow up. In fact, most of us would probably encourage the blow up. Just look how long we've stuck out the suffering and not given up. Because, despite the overwhelming odds that the team is going to continue to suck, we still go to the games, we still watch the drafts, we still post "______ sucks! and "fire ______!" messages on the web.

The reason we remain is simple: Deep down (very deep for the most negative among us), we all want to have hope for the best - even if it's just in our sports team. And so the season starts over from scratch every year, and they play the game even though we think we already know the outcome ('08 Super Bowl, anyone? Sorry, my only example!).

And we demand change, because if things change, then we can still have hope that things will improve. But even if we're not 100% certain of the outcome, if the alternative is more of the same thing that created the abysmal situation, then change looks like a much better option.

Yes, I'm still talking about sports . . . among other things.

Endweek Downrun

Long day tomorrow . . . and the rest of the weekend. I received a nice comment on the Kenny George article from someone who works at his school. I hope to be able to follow up on his story at some point down the road.

Unfortunately, the following stories don't quite inspire the same hope (well, I guess that depends on your perspective), but I believe in balance. Jumping right in:



1. Michael Beasley has now been fined $50,000 for unspecified conduct during the rookie orientation program in which his fellow rookies, Darrell Arthur and Mario Chalmers already coughed up $20,000. I had heard rumors about his involvement but nothing was ever substantiated so I certainly wasn't going to write anything unless it seemed credible. (It's tough enough being in the public eye without people writing untruths about you and presenting it as fact.) But it seems something went down, and the punishment appears to be just that - punitive - since Beasley didn't cooperate with the investigation. Something else seems to be going on, though, since Beasley canned his agent last week, too. I'm sure we'll find out more about this shortly . . .


2. The WNBA playoffs have started. What? You didn't know they were in season? Maybe you couldn't find their tab on ESPN.com. It's kind of hard to find under "mixed martial arts." What happened to that big marketing push they started when Candace Parker came to the league? I haven't seen her or anyone else on TV since the night she was drafted. SportsCenter very rarely mentions the league unless a fight or other controversy occurs. Did they even compete in the Olympics? I'm going to tune in to the playoffs, though. I watched them last year and was quite entertained. I just wonder how long the NBA will continue funneling money to this league without doing more to promote it. It's like they don't want to end it and face criticism that they're being sexist, but on the other hand, they want to see it fail so they can say "I told you no one was into this." We'll see who wins.

3. Just a day after talking about both Adrian Peterson and LaDainian Tomlinson (AP and LT, respectively), neither was able to practice today, and it's not clear they'll play this weekend . . .and the fantasy football bust just keeps moving . . .

4. Speaking of busts, the Detroit Lions have been "interviewing" several former high-profile running backs this week who are looking for jobs, including Cedric Benson (da Bears) and Shaun Alexander (Seahawks), among others. The Lions claim that they aren't hiring immediately and are only window shopping in case of injuries. Sure, I buy that. Now, they probably have a greater need at just about every other position, so more RB's may not make sense, but the Lions are at (or past, depending on whom you ask) the point of no return, so I say anything is better than stagnancy. Whoever gets his luggage lifted first has been signed.


5. Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez and his (now former) wife Cynthia reached an amicable settlement of their divorce proceedings. No dirt and public mud-slinging? That's definitely a first, especially considering how the events surrounding their divorce were splashed across the New York dailies for the better part of a month until she finally decided to file. So this relatively quick settlement can only mean one of two things: 1) the prenuptial agreement was air tight, fair to both parties, and contained no terms which could be disputed by either of their lawyers . . . or 2) whatever he's trying to hide is worse than we imagined. I know, I know, this is a tough one.

Have a great weekend!

But Sometimes He Does Get the Carry

More and more frequently these days, I find myself reading a story that makes me say "what the **** is wrong with people?" Today, of course was no exception.

No, I'm not talking about the message of hope spread during the Republican National Convention Wednesday night. This is a sports blog, after all.*

Recently released Detroit Lions (who for the last, oh, 20 years have provided more heartbreak than happiness to their "fans") running back Tatum Bell had seemed so welcoming to the man who he knew was replacing him - Rudi Johnson. The Lions didn't bring Johnson in just for kicks (no pun intended), so Bell knew his time was up. He helped Johnson get settled, gave him tips for living in (I know some of you might have said "surviving") Detroit, and generally didn't seem to harbor any ill will.

Now for those of you who did not have the misfortune of having Bell on your fantasy team last year, at this point, you should be saying "Ok, he sounds like a good guy." Not to say he's not (I don't know him but he seemsed nice enough) but he left something to be desired last season . . . namely, points. I think I dumped him midway through the season but not before he'd already cost me a few key wins after Maurice Jones-Drew went down. I'll leave it at Mr. Bell didn't have his best season. Hence, it surprised few that when Johnson, a former RB for the Cincinnati Bengals who has had his share of injuries but is still solid (and definitely much probably better than Bell) became available, the Lions jumped at the chance to pick him up.

Enter jealousy. I've always thought that if you are up to no good, the least you can do is scope the scene for cameras. We had a kid get suspended from school for doing something quite untoward on camera (I'll let you use your imagination but, trust me, it's way worse than you think) and to this day, I'll never understand why he didn't look up. The cameras weren't half spheres like they are now, they were giant camcorders on a tripod hanging from the ceiling. But I digress.

With the wide-spread use of cameras, people just can't lie like they used to (unless you hire the best attorneys in the country to help you lie . . . no offense to my people). Apparently Bell didn't consider this possibility when he hoisted Johnson's belongings away - apparently around the same time he was cut from the team - like a thief in the night from the Lions headquarters. Bell claims he thought that he was picking up bags for another (now former) teammate, and a woman did later return the bags (Gucci bags!), minus its contents . . . contents like Johnson's "draws" and socks, and some money and credit cards, too. For his part, Bell had this to say in his defense:

They said they got me on film taking the bags. I said, 'If you look on film, I wasn't in no hurry or nothing.' I was just going about my day," he said.

Bell said he delivered the bags to a female friend of [former teammate Victor] DeGrate's without opening them. Bell told the Free Press that he did not have anything of Johnson's and wanted to clear his name.

"I ain't no thief," Bell told the Free Press. "I ain't never been one, and I ain't never going to be one."

Note to Bell: the "Cool Hand Luke" defense is not your best move. Not surprisingly, Johnson's not buying his explanation, and was not welcoming when Bell tried to reach out to him:

"I didn't want to talk to him, but I let him know where I stand," he said.
"He knows how I feel about it, and it isn't anything positive."

Nothing nice. When I was in middle school, I temporarily carried away the school bag of my crush at the time, preventing him from doing his homework for the evening. He was mad but he got over it, and we dated afterward so it worked out for me. For Bell? Thankfully for him, Johnson decided not to snitch so this probably means "Takum" will avoid any legal troubles. It's unclear how this will affect his chances of getting picked up by another team (unlikely) or of his teammates asking him to grab their bags (yes).

I don't even know what to say about this one. It's funny and really sad at the same time. I laughed for about 10 minutes in my office when I read it but then I thought man, some (ok, a lot) of these guys just really don't grow up. These folks comments on ESPN.com didn't help. From one of those heartbroken ones I mentioned before:

Sadly, Bell now has more picks in the pre-season than our entire secondary.

And from another:

At first nobody believe it was Tatum on the surveillance footage because he
didn't get knocked down 1 yard into his escape. But then the bags slipped out of
his hands.

Quite creative. Clearly, there's some maturity issue here, and as I have said in the past (way, way, past), it's not all the player's fault. Somewhere along the line, someone let him get away with this type of behavior, and now you have a grown man seemingly acting like a child. If we don't start putting our proverbial feet down when people start acting up, this is the result. I do hope it really was a misunderstanding . . . but more than that, I want to see the tape!

*Did anyone else catch the New York Republican delegate at the RNC? In an attempt to extol the virtues of NY, he rattled off the "World Champion" Yankees (really? still?), the "soon to be" champion Mets, and forgot - until reminded by someone nearby - that the Giants *are* actual champions. ". . . and oh yeah, the Giants . . . and can't forget the Jets! We love our Jets!" Poor Eli and his Giants just can't shake that chopped liver status, even at the RNC.

Yes, That's A Lion Delivering Your Pizza.. No, They Aren't That Bad Again.

The problem with the internet is that any comments that appear on it can and will spread like wildfire. Not only will they spread, but because they are being read, people will assume that the tone used to make the comments is the one that best fits either a) your actual personality, or b) the personality that people imagine you might have. I think it's safe to assume the latter. And no matter what, sarcasm does not translate well in print.

Detroit Lions wide receiver Roy Williams learned this lesson the hard way, and now he's delivering pizzas because of it. A few weeks ago, Williams was on AM radio in Detroit, where he answered several unrelated questions. Because it's AM radio, only a few people probably actually heard this interview when it took place. This was a recipe for disaster. Here are some choice morsels from that interview:

• On being cheap: I am cheap, I’m a cheap date. Get you some McDonalds, with some cheese on it and I’m just really cheap, man. I’m very low key, I like to stay home. I like to go bowling on Monday nights and I go to the casino every once and awhile. Other than that, you won’t see Mr. Williams out at all.

• On what he plays at the casino: I’m a craps and blackjack guy. I like to throw the dice a little bit. If that doesn’t work out, I’ll take it to the cards.

• You do tip the pizza guy? There’s no such thing as a tip. But I am really polite and I say ‘Thank you sir.’ … The pizza man knows, when he comes to my address, he’s coming for free.

• If you’re on a date and she wants to go to a nice place, what do you do? I might just take her to the casino and get her a free buffet. If I did take a date out to a nice place, I’d take her to a nice place, like a Red Lobster or something. It wouldn’t be Morton’s or nothing like that.

Now, I am sure that he was joking, at least partially. He might well be cheap, but maybe not to this unabashed degree. Others were not so amused, per these posts following his comments:

And you probably NEVER get good pizza , Roy. Totally classless not to tip the pizza guy. An embarrassment to us all. They see your order at the pizza shop, nobody wants to make it or deliver to old cheapass Roy.

If you actually ever worked , instead of getting Alumni payoffs & handouts , you would tip , Roy. Guaranteed "unwanted extras" that you have been eating over the years. That was not an olive you just swallowed. That mushroom was extra juicy, wasnt it. I have lost almost all the respect I had for you Roy. No more defending your incredibly cheap backside to the legions that think you are vastly OVERRATED.

The best part is that the pizza shop probably has always charged you an extra buck or two because they know you dont tip. My son works at a pizza place and delivers some. That is exactly what they do to those very ,very few people who are too full of themselves to tip. So you tip whether you like it or not. The jokes on you. Grow up and think about someone other than your incredibly selfish "all pro" self. And two hands on that ball at ALL TIMES, "all star".

Hope you dont get injured and blow all your cash. You may have a hard time even getting a pizza delivery job with that unused cranial matter.

And your dates ??? None of them like you for you. That free casino buffett
shows so little class or respect. But one of them will certainly play the game (better than you play the game) , convince you she 'loves" you, has a few lil ones...divorces your ultra cheap immature backside, takes 1/2 of what you got ( which is a lot , considering you dont spend) and gets immense child support.

Just a free "tip" . Dont go out, go through fast food. Mickey D's is your destiny.

And one more, just because I want you to see how serious people took his comments:

It's all about how you were raised and sometimes someone has to TEACH you. However, people like Roy... It's really dispicable. You can afford it, you know about it, and you don't do it. It will come back to him, probably in the form of an unwanted topping on his pizza.

As far as dates, it's not news that most pro-athletes have little to no respect for women. Often the disrespect is well-deserved because men will only do what women let them get away with. If these women are so excited to be with a pro athlete that they are happy with going to Coney Island, then that is what they will get - a 99 cent double cheeseburger and I'm sure he'll throw in the STD for free.

Ok, one more:

I worked at a pizza place for years in college and he shouldn't be so smug about not tipping. I bet he gets a "special sauce" on his pizza. My advice to Roy, if he wants to get pizza without other's DNA - order deliveries several nights in a row, and after giving a large tip, throw them away. Get your reputation back and then you'll get good pies.Good advice for us all.

Clearly, the moral of the story is that if you don't tip the pizza guy, he's going to reward you by sharing a special part of himself. So if I understand these comments, people are outraged at Williams not tipping, but the pizza man releasing in your pizza is OK.

I know things are rough in Detroit's economy but, come on, people, lighten up! He was clearly pulling your legs.

Not satisfied with the first round of backlash, Williams returned to AM radio to, among other things, set the record straight. From AOL Sports Fanhouse:

Well, we have good news and bad news. The bad news, ladies, is that Williams doesn't seem intent on changing his habits when he goes out to dinner. But the good news is that Williams now says he has seen the error of his ways when it comes to ordering pizza, and it all started when he pulled up next to a pizza delivery guy at a red light:

"And guess who pulls up next to me?" Williams said. "Pizza Hut man. I roll my window down and I say, 'Pizza dude, how much am I supposed to tip you?' He said, 'Three, four maybe five dollars.' ... So I'm going to start tipping the pizza man."

On the flip side, Williams also risks an NFL fine every game by giving the fans the football after he scores a touchdown. I really think the man doesn't know how to turn it off. His sense of humor is dry, and he never reveals his hand. Cool for him, bad for PR.

But PR to the rescue. On Tuesday, Williams will be an honorary pizza delivery man for a metro Detroit area (read: he will NOT actually be within the city limits of Detroit) Pizza Hut from 4 to 6 pm. He is personally donating to the World Food program, including any tip he receives.

Well, at least your pizza is in pretty good hands. And he probably won't take it out on you (or the pizza) if he doesn't get a tip.

NFL Roundup: A Post Involving Football That's Not About Vick

So here's the wrap up from Day 1.5 of the NFL season. If you are friends with an Atlanta Falcons fan, be nice to them at work because they are in for a looooong season without Michael Vick. Joey Harrington is not only not Michael Vick, he's not even the quarterback the Lions hoped (foolishly, perhaps) that they were getting. Unfortunately, I doubt that the Falcons will be offering any refunds so just be glad it's one of the shortest professional sports seasons. Remember, there's always next year.

But I do need to thank the Falcons for giving my ("my" because I own them - in the fantasy world) Minnesota Vikings defense the most fantasy points I've had so far - even more than LT. See, there's a positive side of every story.

But around the rest of the league, a lot of players saw their season end today. While most were not too serious (i.e., career-ending), Buffalo Bills' reserve tight end Kevin Everett underwent emergency spinal cord surgery after a helmet-to-helmet hit when he tackled a Denver Broncos player. It says that he didn't show any signs of movement, which is not a good sign at all. I know there's no way to prevent these things but it's crazy that he might be a quadriplegic from playing football. And he's only 25. Keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

In better news, old man (by NFL standards, because he's only 30) Randy Moss (pictured at the top), whom even you non-football fans should have at least heard of, proved that he still has it in him. In his debut with his new team, the New England Patriots, wide receiver Moss caught all nine passes thrown to him from QB Tom Brady (Carson Palmer, I hope you're watching), for 183 yards and one touchdown. Non-fans, that's a great day for a wide receiver at any age.

Moss is coming off of a two-year stint with the Oakland Raiders, who lost to the Detroit Lions, one of the worst teams in the NFL for way too long. Check out this site honoring the Lions' GM, Matt Millen: www.firemillen.com. The Lions actually lost a 17-0 lead but managed to pull off the win, 36-21. Apparently the Raiders aren't so hot themselves, as one writer compared the victory to winning "a beauty contest among lepers." Ouch. I don't know about you, but I'd much rather be receiving passes from Tom Brady than whoever the Raiders decided to start at QB, so good move, Randy. (I want you all to know that I struggled mightily to phrase that in as non-suggestive a way as possible, but when they use terms like wide receiver, tight end . . . sacks, etc., it makes it hard difficult. Geesh.)

In a footnote to this game, I think my reserve Lions' running back Tatum Bell had a fire lit under his bum after finding out that the Raiders named a fumble-recovery drill after him. The privilege was bestowed upon dear Tatum because, while playing with the Denver Broncos last season, he fumbled the ball five times, failing to recover a single one of them. Today, he had no fumbles and he scored a touchdown to help seal the game for the Lions. Nothing better than a good butt-kicking to shut up your critics.

P.S. I know this is not sports related, but I just caught the MTV Video Music Awards, and I have to say that it was easy to write this and watch that because it was BORING. The stars seemed to be enjoying themselves in Vegas, though. Britney, I saw your performance, and I tried to root for you, I really did, but in the immortal words of Justin Timberlake "You got me saying damn girl . . . ." There were rumors that Justin was going to be performing with her, but I can see why he backed out. I don't know if she was nervous or hadn't practiced but woo! If you "missed" it, MTV will be showing it another thousand times this week.

And while we're talking about Justin, what is going on with the Emmy Awards that his skit on and song that he performed with Saturday Night Live's Andy Sandberg, D*ck in a Box, was not only nominated but actually won an Emmy?? And they're thinking of having them perform the song at the Emmys. Not buying it. This is a ploy to get us to watch the Emmys, and it's not going to work . . . but this skit is hilarious, though!